Day 100: For Study Abroad, Leave Your Ego at Home

Dear yo…

As I write this it is 3 minutes till it hits midnight and 100 days of being abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Congratulations Kusho, you have made it this far and you only have 56 more days to live, love, laugh, and scream on Argentine turf.

Being here has definitely been one of the most challenging endeavors I have ever encountered in my life. I think it’s safe to say that NOTHING will ever be this challenging again, though I will continue to fight every moment in my life. Let’s backtrack:

In July I was a mess: couldn’t understand a lick of Spanish and couldn’t comprehend the concept of Castellano. And, speaking was a totally different world. I could hardly meet new people and I was reluctant to open up to what the city had to offer. Although I feel like I did the most exploring during this time, my heart wasn’t there; it was still at home tucked away under my security blankets. This was my first indication that I wasn’t chanting enough. First night, I remember wanting to chant all night, just so that I could be so sure that everything will be all right in the end, and all I could do was chant under the bed sheets to sleep.

In August things were still difficult. School still hadn’t started, let alone coordinating classes between 5 different universities was a nightmare. It’s insane how class registration is 1-2 weeks before classes start. Luckily, I kept it simple and decided to take all my classes at the film school [all my classes meaning, all 3 of my elective classes outside of what the program requires]. In terms of the city, I still couldn’t get over not seeing a lick of green for blocks at a time. The parks here only made me crave more of the nature that I wanted. This is when help from a familiar place came and I was able to, first, go to the kaikan with Erika and then to Mendoza with her for a weekend before classes started.

I think of all the months, August was the most challenging. Classes started and I broke down mentally and physically. Some aspects of Argentine life made me so angry. Why was I being called “China, China.” Why couldn’t people understand how wrong it was to just group people that look the same like that? And I got so sick from [with hives that even affected my vision because my face was so swollen, depression, and minor flu] that I thought I would have to drop out of Argentina and go back to the US. And, the strange thing is, I was doing it to myself. My faith had dropped like it fell into an endless pit. My daimoku bottle had finally emptied out. With this I started chanting again, not consistently, but whenever it was convenient. It was only the start.

Then September came…and went. I focused more on studies. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that what I earn as a grade here will actually transfer and get incorporated into my GPA when I get back to SUA. Castellano was still very difficult, and I think my days were all the same, a routine, but I had a better grasp of things: where my favorite kiosks were, which station to get off at to go to certain places, how professors teach, when to laugh at jokes, how to get from place to place without a Guia T. With this routine, I incorporated a more consistent faith and even wanted to do a 10-hour toso, for myself, before the end of study abroad so I can come back a stronger person.

And here we are, October. It started out with my 21st birthday, my halfway through study abroad, and a rather different approach to study abroad. I was so worried about academics that I had forgotten my stay here was limited. With this I began to haul ass. But before that, I wanted to be able to lay past worries to rest with fresh determinations. So on October 10th 2008, I did my first 10-hour toso, from 10am to 10pm with a few short breaks in between. I didn’t think I was able to get through it, but I did.

One of the concerns I was chanting about was to get in contact with one professor who would start class immediately and run away as soon as class was done, so I was never able to talk to her about how I was going to get graded, especially since everyone else in the class had to write a large thesis. A week later, she approached and talked to me about how I was going to get evaluated for the class. It was more than enough to make me feel like everything else would work out. I was able to do more and I felt free from being worried about unnecessary things. And needless to say, I was able to really get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, make new friends.

The point is [yes, it’s taken a long time to get here… I get an “F” for getting off topic], the difference between the beginnings of study abroad and now, is like night and day. And it’s not a matter of what’s going on around you either. It was most certainly internal. My outlook on my life in Buenos Aires changed tremendously. I think one thing about SUA is we are forced to study abroad. I think deep down I was one of those who didn’t want to study abroad or at least felt like it was too early. But, now it’s just a matter of living or don’t.

Comparisons are a no-no. There is nothing to compare, but yourself: the “you” of where you were and the “you” of where you are now. Change is inevitable and regardless of where you are fighting your life, you are changing. Your mind, your heart, your views. The way we express ourselves, the way we talk, the way we listen, the way we act. Todo. I didn’t realize till a few weeks ago when I dropped my French fries and screamed “MIERDA” instead of “F***” that I have changed in this way. When you’re willing to open up to the world around, the world will open for you.

So in closing, if it’s anything I’ve learned so far from this experience, leave your ego at home and don’t forget to pack your heart. When you have an ego stuck to you, you are less open to the new world you’ve yet to experience. I can’t wait to see myself 56 days from now when I’m on the plane home, how much I’ve changed from the moment I started this letter to yo. To me.

May the next 56 days hit me like a train with action, adventure, pensive thoughts, long-lasting friendships, deep dialogues and, without doubt, memories-to-be. Thanks to all who have been SO supportive throughout this long process. I will not let you guys down.

Day 82: Letter to My Twin Soka Brothers and Sisters [3/5]

Just when you think I've decided to update...here's just a filler. One day, I'll have the time and energy to focus on updating these; however, till that time comes, sorry! -_-;; Aaa...so many stories to tell, so little time to tell it in. On one final note, I've completed my 10-hour daimoku today! It was tough, it was brutal, but it was worth it. Need I say more? [I'll recount later...]

2008.10.10, 10-hour toso, 10am-10pm with breaks: accomplished. KYAA!
Kusho. Out.


[taken from Facebook] You know you´re living in Argentina when...

- Breakfast is crackers, lunch is ñoquis, milanesa, or empanadas, and dinner´s at 23:00.
- Most of the girls you know wear chupin pants, bright colored shirts, and converse shoes.
- Well, everyone wears converse shoes... from your host grandfather to the remisero to the lady checking you out at the super.
- You´ve gotten enganchado with a telenovela.
- You have a kiosko radar and can find candy, gaseosa (usually pomelo), y/o carne within a block of any location in your town.
- You automatically divide all prices by 3 or 4.
- When you see people walking around in labcoats you know they´re not scientists, but actually public school kids. But those preschool teacher dresses are just weird.
- You´ve had a near-death experience crossing the road.
- You know the location of all the heladerias in your town. And could give an educated lecture on the variety of flavors, and how they are responsible for all of those kiloooos!
- You can ride your bike to school, get icecream, buy meat, go to about 17 kioskos, and about 7 different chinese supers. And you ride your bike instead of taking a remis because 4 pesos is just way too much.
- Your rotary encourages you to take the micro to Buenos aires so they don´t have to drive you. Jejeee.
- Cumbia is in your bones. you just can´t get that ch chchch chchch beat out.
- You can go into whatever kiosko you want and buy a life´s supply of quilmes, gancia, and fernet. and you have :) it lasted one night with your crazy compañeros.
- When you ask an argentine ¿How are you? (en ingles) they say FINE every single time. Every. Single. Time. You never met such "fine" people in your life
- You have a street, plaza, and a club atletico named after San Martin. And at least one host brother or host cousin named Martin too.
- Your compañeros are Juan, Maria, Sofia, and Lucia.
- Mayonesa is more than a condiment.
- You have been known to say "MACdohnalds" and "shonny deep" in order to be understood.
- Yessica Yolanda lleva su malla amarilla a la playa. we speak prettier. and cordobeses sing!
- You´re an hincha of Boca or River
- football no longer makes you think of fat buys in masks. hockey doesn´t involve ice, and you´ve given up on trying to explain lacrosse.
- Your feet are always dirty. But a cleaning lady comes once a day?
- They´ve eaten all of your peanut butter, nutella, chocolate, skittles (es-qui-tles), and other delicacies from los eeuu.
- You used to be a vegetarian. Past tense.
- Eggs and carrots belong together. Tomatoes and Onions belong together. Lettuce belongs alone. They do NOT all belong together!
- You forgot your key and had to ring the doorbell at 7.30 am but it was okay because your host brother does it every sunday morning.
- You live a block from your host grandparents, 3 from your host cousins, and 10 from your crazy great aunt.
- You know at least 1 person who died in a cuatriciclo accident, moto, or micro, or auto. but SEATBELTS ARE FOR WIMPS!
- You cross your q´s.
- Ya fue....
- Floggers are silly. and they wear bright pants.
- You spell your name phonetically in your native language. Every person you know has a different nickname for you. Juan - Juanito, juancito, juany, juani, juanche and it goes onnn
- Los Simpsón are everyyywherreeeeee....... and obviously a completely 100% accurate portrayal of yanqui life!
- You see your 14 year old host brother in the boliche at 6 am.
- Your english classes teach only the most important phrases: NO WAYYY!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! WHAT UP, BITCHES?? WHAT´S COOKIN GOOD LOOKIN? (your alumnitos will do great in the english speaking world :) )
- Bithdays involve the entire town going to your garage and eating chips (not chips, sheeps) and pizzetas and tomando una cervecita a las 4 en la tarde.
- "8 a la tarde" doesn´t sound funny anymore.
- There are more people in the street at 4 am the 4 pm. te juro por dios.
- You´ve fallen in love with Buenos Aires. And with every argentine man you lay your eyes on... aren´t they just such bonbones?
- You learned to swear before you learned the present tense... q hdp!!!
- Dando vueltas is a great pasttime, especially with 12 people in the truckbed.
- You drink mate for breakfast, lunch, and merienda. For dinner you drink cerveza or vino. Or mate if you´re THAT addicted :)
- You beat them at truco because they thought you didn´t understand bajajaja.
- You use spanish words with your friends from home and they´ve just gotten used to it (q polmo! q pesado!)
- You took a math test and got an 8 without studying because you learned it in 8th grade. but you´d never tell them that....
- Your town has its own television station. You were on it and felt famous!
- "Che" has become part of your vocabulary. Pero mal, boludo, mal.
- No one else seems to realize how funny the gallegos talk.
- When they talk about Bush, you say you´re from Canada. Hee hee.
- You don´t have to dye your hair to be blonde!
- Yanqui isn´t an insult. But if you´re belgian and they call you verga... basta eh!
- "She plays very good," it says on the board. You say, sorry ma'am, but it´s "well" and she says, callate yanqui, we teach british english here. umm?
- "You´re protestant? DO YOU BELEIVE IN GOD?"
- When people ask you... so why did the american public pick bush to be the leader of the free world, you answer with HAVE YOU EVER MET 1 PERSON WHO VOTED FOR CRISTINA KIRCHNER? pwned.
- You´ve been begged to incite a movement in your home country to fight against britian for the MALVINAS because they´re OURS!
- You´re more argentine than the argentines because you learned how to dance tango.
- Pencils are for wimps, we use lapiceras and borra tinta, baby!
- You being to think in the metric system... and get questions like "How many kilometers is it from your state to Iowa?" (I did today at lunch. i said 1000? who knows hahaha)
- You have materias that are inexplicable in spanish or english or your language.. Planificiation? What?
- When you fall you say "oof" and when you´re confused you say "eh?"
- Everything is better with an alfajor.
- If you´re from any pcia except buenos aires, you hate porteños, If you´re from pcia bsas, you get offended when they call you a porteño. and if you´re a porteño, you don´t care what those paisanos think anyways. Do they even have electricity?
- Nacho is a nickname for Ignacio, not a spicy "mexican" food.
- In fact, just throw out any reference to Mexico you might have in your vocabulary. Their food is too spicy.
- You like to style your buso de egresados. or you will when it arrives 2 days before you leave for your home country. because in argentina 45 days means 67 days probably.
- Girls DO NOT PLAY FUTBOL.
- "Not" jokes just don´t translate. You tried.
- The day you met the argentine who appreciated your postal service and not just Avirl and Red Hot you got irrationally excited.
- Dulce and Salado must be kept far far apart.
- You can have a kickass day in buenos aires for 20 pesos. Less, if you don´t eat :)
- You got your legs waxed for $15 pesos. Wasn´t worth it.
- "YOU USE TAMPONS? THAT DE-VIRGINIZES YOU!!!"
- Stories start with "when the dollar was igual with the peso."
- You go into a virtual coma during school. But you "don´t understand spanish" so it´s unhelpable!
- You make up words like "unhelpable" because "you don´t speak english" either. hee heeee
- Maybe unhelpable is a word?
- Stop drinking my hair you prostitute´s child balls´ sweller! THE FEMALE PARROT´S VAGINA!
- Salis? Tomas? Tenes novio?
- Deesnay.
- "Oh i thought you were from here" makes your day.
- "You want to put any grade above a 4 on the refrigerator. and speaking of refrigerators, don´t open it with bare feet or expect a "shock" hahah pun!
- You get really really intense pleasure from helping the tourists.
- It´s raining? No school!
- You are tan during the winter! Well, the winter at home.
- You idolize folklore dancers. Okay, they are really cool. have you seen their boots???
- At least once you searched "college internships in argentina" on google (go o glay) to see if there as a full paid job in the summer in buenos aires.
- You give the english teacher particular. But you had to speak like a Good British Chap to be understood.
- Espangles es lo más awesome q hay! Also, conjugaring spanish verbos en English!
- You have a canadien "eh" but you´re not from canada... it´s an Argentine "eh"!
- Streets and towns are named after dates... not weird!
- "Children... this is a real live YANQUI! Ask her a question!!" "yoo liek HI SCHOO???"
- The best nights aren´t in the boliche but under the milky way (it actually exists!) with friends, a campfire, and a guitar.
- Host siblings son mas cariñosos cuando medio-tomados hahaha
- La calle más larga... el rio mas ancho...
- It´s cute when they speak spanish... Even if it´s "fuck youuu!!!" (and it´s cuter if it´s your host mom or if they spell it faqiu!)
- You spend hours talking to viejos bout los militares y la guerra de las malvinas, and it fascinates you in a away your own history never could.
- They know who you are. you don´t remember them, but they know who you are. and they know your horoscopic sign.
- The devil wears makeup: Cristina Kirchner.
- You spent the spring saliendo, the summer at the pool and on the road, and the fall doing all of the things you wanted to do your whole life.
- You listen to Rock Nacional, are involved in the paro (FUERZA CAMPO), and have an argentine flag in your room but you´re still foreign. and you kind of wish you weren´t.

Day 73: Running on 3 Hours and Sugar

So, continuing on the subject of the essay, we finished, oh yes… just we got to class an hour late because we had a million different versions with corrections on each of them. That and we didn’t know how to combine them all to make it coherent. Just to give you taste of what our essay was like…

So, the essay was supposed to be 3-10 pages, single or double-spaced…I have no idea. Our final page count was 8 pages, single spaced…

Yea, it was a lot to correct and make any sense out of it. So, we were sitting the café and then in the fotocopiadora making corrections, rewriting sentences, changing words. It was pretty intense. I actually got tired of staring at Microsoft Word. It was kind of saddening since I have to stare at it to work on Project esCAPE.

Aside from that, the paper being done and not dictating my life and all, I think I’m hopping back on my old SUA schedule of things, being able to sleep less and work more. Although it does get irritating sometimes to know that you only slept like 3 hours, but you know, whatever gets the job done, goes. I even bought 3 alfajores (which are probably the most delicious concoctions ever created by mankinda). 2 of coconut with chocolate and dulce de leche, and the other a regular chocolate-covered one with nuts sprinkled on top.



You know, sitting in the café working on the paper I heard a very nostalgic song. “Santeria” by Sublime. I don’t like the lyrics, but it’s a really catchy tune, and it really brings back memories of sitting on the bus after school 4-5 years back. Pretty sweet.

Anyway… Break is over… Need to continue working. Bleh.

P.S. Those entries last week…will magically appear…this weekend.