Day 156: A Time to Fly

To be honest, I’ve been thinking about this entry since the day I got here: how to make my study abroad experience a narrative that’s both comprehensible and memorable. So, out of all the entries, this one is probably the most edited, revised, re-edited, and thought out entry.

So, my last day has come. I was walking around outside today one final time around my barrio. I’m actually going to miss being here and there’s no doubt in my mind, I’ll be dreaming of Buenos Aires in my sleep and then waking up only to realize that I’m back in my Soka dorm room. It used to be vice-versa.

Study abroad has been quite an experience. It’s inexplicable in words.

Really.

It knows your weaknesses and it won’t hesitate to hit you where it hurts the most. You feel like you’re out there fighting out in the world, so far apart from home and SUA, and yet the battle is almost too close to home… Because you’re battling yourself, testing who you are.

You are your worst enemy.

Before arriving to Buenos Aires, I thought I had everything figured out: what I wanted to do, how I want to live my life, how I was, how I am, how I wanted to be. But, being in Argentina for 5 months has certainly opened my eyes. In the midst of academics, a new culture, a new city, a new life, I became a different person, whom I couldn’t recognize. And, in this process of not knowing whose skin I was in, I’ve lost all that I thought I was and all that I had: my comfort zone, my beliefs, my values, my identity…

And within this process of becoming this new person and rediscovering myself, I was able to find my faith, find my values, find myself. I was able to renew who I was, to make everything that was loosely a part of me something that is now the strong foundation of who I am today.

For me, study abroad has helped me learn to have faith, to be positive, to not complain, to fight for justice, to open up to people, to struggle through academics, to live by myself, to live independently, to ask for help when I need it… there’s an infinite amount of things to list here. But definitely, the most important thing I was able to experience being abroad is to BE VICTORIOUS no matter the outcome. I’m known to easily be swayed by situations in my environment, but Buenos Aires has taught me that so long as I know that I won, nothing else matters.

Looking out my window as it hit 7:30 pm here, there’s definitely a difference between when I first arrived to Buenos Aires and today. It was damp and foggy, and the first view of the city I saw was all a blur in the misty street side of Buenos Aires. The sun refused to show itself for the first week and the wind was cold and ceaseless. The sun is up now and it’s definitely made things clearer, all the more warmer and a much livelier place to be. It just might be a regular summer day for the portenos here, but it’s certainly a nice end to my study abroad here, a very physical and figurative transformation.

“Winter never fails to turn to spring”

Argentina, you have done me well. Doushiyoumonai jibun wo sukoshi demo seichou shita tto omou. No es “chau” sino es “nos vemos,” Argentina. There’s no doubt that I’ll return one day to revisit you. Thanks for everyone for all your support. And to the Readers Anonymous, it’s been a pleasure for all of you to follow me on my 156-day adventure in Argentina, whether you just came across a single entry or read and re-read every single entry. Thanks for reading, whoever you may be.

Junior year study abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Fall 08.
Mission accomplished.

Guys, I’m comin’ home.



“This life is just a blink of an eye / A glimpse into the world / We were never meant to see / So don’t hang on to anything at all / And all the things we have / And all the people we have known / Will fade away so quickly into the deep / And memories of love will be the only warmth we have in the end” – “Debussy” by Daphne Loves Derby

Day 154: Study Abroad is…What You Make of It

My final full week here ends with today. I won’t say much since I have loads saved for my last entry in terms of summing up study abroad for me.

BUT, I do have to say it was quite an emotional, physical, spiritual adventure.

No doubt that if I hadn’t built up my spiritual stamina, I would not have gotten through this alive, cheerful and positive. I went through a lot of shit, especially these past few weeks and I still wonder how I got through it. But certainly a large part of it had to do with the support that I had gotten, both direct and indirect. Thank you.

I learned that, a lot of things in life, not just study abroad in my case, are dependent on how you look at it. Every situation has a pleasing side and a not-so-pleasing side. You can spend an entire lifetime looking at the negative things in life and complaining about them and be miserable because of them. But, what good does that do you? It adds more stress and everything feels like it’ll take an eternity to get through.

But, if you look on the flip side, you visualize the light at the end of the tunnel, you won’t let things take over how you feel. You have absolute control of how you feel, regardless of your situation. In turn, not only does this help YOU, but it also helps other people around you to feel the same.

I know I have had my moments where I would get clobbered by my negativity, but then my friends would help me bring me up to a better, more positive state of mind. I guess that’s why people need people, to motivate each other when they are down, to give a lending hand. Study abroad has definitely helped me understand that.

Why did I blabber on about outlook? It’s what helped me make the most out of my study abroad. When I first arrived, I was very negative about my situation. That, in turn, affected my way of living here. But, I later realized that I was just arrogant and negative, and I had a huge ego glued to my forehead. After I had thrown those away in the trash, liberating myself of junk that I don’t need anyway, life was good.

I can’t say I traveled as much as the other people around the program, but what I did do in Buenos Aires and the trips I took outside of the city, I enjoyed every minute of it. It’s thanks to the awesome friends that I have who dragged me out into the world; they are sadly not with me now. They left yesterday on the group flight.

It’s weird and somewhat kind of a slap in the face with an “I told you so,” but the moment I woke up this morning and realized that I wasn’t going to receive anymore random texts from my friends, it was kind of sad. Didn’t know what to think really. But somehow, I feel that’s the next step I need to take when I get back.

To continue what I’ve created in the 5 months I was here in Buenos Aires.

Day 151: When There’s Calamity, One Seeks Peace

I’ve dubbed this week, the final week of my study abroad, as probably the bitch of all weeks. All my finals are/were this week.

There’s nothing more frustrating and upsetting than not being understood. My ability to communicate verbally was bad enough in English [better since the stutter went away] but to be able to do it in Castellano was something else. But I was able to get by conversationally and whatnot.

But man did I take a blow from my orals this week. Orals at la FUC work like this: you create a presentation on any topic that you choose and just explain it to the professor. Then afterwards, the professor asks you questions about your topic and other things that were covered in class. The whole process itself lasts around 15-30 minutes, depending on how much one talks. With this in mind, I prepared for my orals that week.

On Monday, after waiting 6 hours to take my final, I first freaked out because there were 2 professors evaluating me and I was saying a bunch of BS, so they let me look over my notes while another person went. While that went on, the other professor became available and so I ended up trying to take my oral with her. After a few sentences, the professor stopped me and told me that there was no way of evaluating me because what I was saying wasn’t pertinent to the topic that I had chosen… AND I was just not making any sense at all…

So, I failed that oral.

I was completely taken aback and I totally lost motivation to speak any lick of Spanish, fearing that no one would understand me. That night, I developed a horrible case of hives and my stomach was restless. I didn’t want to eat or drink anything at all. I also went to bed before midnight, which was something I hadn’t done since the first few weeks of my stay here.

I woke up itchy and still sick to my stomach. But, I knew I had to continue moving forward so I got out of bed, did gongyo, dropped off my laundry at the launders and came back to study for my next exam. The entire day went by and all I could think about was what the professor told me. It was still devastating. If my ideas weren’t understood by her, then who would understand? That was the mindset I had. I sought out answers that I never got, so I decided to chant a lil more to bring up my motivation to at least be productive.

Then my dad called.

I can count on family to help me out even in the deepest shit holes. So, he told me not to worry and to just establish my point and start with that first, rather than having to build up an argument before making the point. Well, with that in mind, I was able to focus more on what I was studying and what I was going to say. I was in the study mindset, but physically my body was still bearing down on me. But I ended up staying up all night studying.

I was sure that the teacher was wrong in failing me and that I was determined to prove it to her by passing my other two finals. That’s probably what drove me.

The next day, I only waited 5 hours to take my final. When they called out my name, it was a professor I had never seen before. I was slightly worried that she would be the one grading me. Turns out my worries had come to realization. I sat down and she first started up a casual conversation about Murakami Haruki and how it was a shame that we weren’t able to read him. So, after that I started my oral and everything flowed to perfection. I was able to say everything that I wanted to day.

When I finished my part of the oral, another professor came and sat down next to the professor who was evaluating me and she started asking me these questions. I was SHOCKED. I was unable to answer some of her questions because she was only a substitute for my teacher a couple of times. Well, in short, after I was done, the professor told me that she had a moral issue with grading me because of the language barrier. What completely blew me away was that she said that without being there for MY part of the oral.

So I left pissed and upset because I thought, yet again, that I had failed.

I got home and collapsed on my bed and when I woke up my face was hives-driven. I didn’t know what to do. I completely broke down. But in the midst of that, I was studying. The anger I had over that oral drove me to study for my final oral, the class that almost equals to grad level.

But, then I fell asleep and woke up at 8 this morning. I FREAKED. I messaged all my friends on skype who were on at the time, and they all told me the same thing: CHANT and STUDY. So, that’s what I did. After I showered and got ready, every moment I wasn’t studying I was chanting, and every moment I wasn’t chanting I was studying. I left the apartment brimming with confidence and courage. I picked up my grade sheet for my professor and found out that I had actually passed my second oral. This only gave me more courage to triumph over this last exam. I waited only 3 hours to take this exam and when I walked in, the teacher was very quiet, didn’t give me any weird looks, nada.

I was sure that I had passed when I got through my part of the oral. Then she dropped a question on a book that I hadn’t studied. For a moment I got discouraged, even a lil teary-eyed, but I didn’t let it get to me. I was honest and told her that I remembered nothing on the topic. I was ready to pick up my bag and leave when she sighed and asked me a different question. I was still unsure about how to answer, but I was able to say something. She continued asking me these questions, even asked me to interpret the original English title of one of the readings and it all ended with a “correcto” and “gracias.”

I was ecstatic. I was so happy I wanted to jump up and cheer. I don’t know whether I actually failed the last oral or not, and I probably won’t know till my transcript comes back, but today I laid my academic worries to rest. Today, justice was served.

Today, I was victorious. Total and absolute victory.

Day 137: Yes, I’m Asian, Will You Stop Taking Pictures of Me Now…

As I take a break from my studies for a final that I have 2moro, I’m remembering what sort of day it was today. It’s one of those days that you wish you have more of, but you know you can’t have too much it because somehow, it’ll lose that feeling—that it’s one of those days that you just yearn for.

I went out to eat lunch with a friend of mine today after being at COPA for a few hours and got stared at by a family that came in a little after us. I heard the little girl say discreetly, China, Es una china… and I look over and the dad is taking a picture with his cell phone. I’m sure the look on my face was like this: =_=;;

It’s amazing how much patience you learn from being here for almost 4, going on 5 months. I’ve grown to shrug off people like that… It’s quite an interesting…experience actually. Well, I’m glad I made someone’s day… I guess.

We studied at the restaurant for a few hours for the final we have 2moro and then went out to a bookstore to have Mirta [my lit teacher here] sign cuz she’s the daughter of Roberto Arlt. Aahahah. She’s so awesome and I’m gonna miss her.

Then I got to see the renowned Afrikanito cookies. It’s quite interesting. XD My friend wasn’t joking. They were indeed next to the Ratonito cookies.



That’s definitely saying something. Didn’t buy either of those, but we got cake which was HELLA good. We ate it in the park as we watched kids play soccer.

It’s been a productive day on a nice day in Buenos Aires. It’s just one of those days.

So that aside, updates. I’m going to have a reprise expedition to Mendoza, this time, for a week! We have so many plans already, it’s going to be great. Leaving Sunday night and then returning Saturday morning. Fun, right?

And then, I have to take my other two finals. Geh. The difficult ones. Blah. Well, at least I have more to say and I know what exactly I’m presenting on. I just need to be able to pass the part where they ask me questions. I can’t wait to be over with finals. It’s the one thing holding me back from just letting loose. What sucks is I only have 4 and half days after finals are over to do everything that I want to. Why did they have to make that week. Bleh.

Ah, but it’s coming down to this, it’s unbelievable. The semester is ending [por fin] and we’re all going back our own places soon. We’re planning a final track de cine gathering before everyone departs. Although, I’ve had my share of bitching and complaining, I love what I studied [even though it’s jeopardized my GPA], the people I studied with, the people I studied from and impart befriended.

It’s been quite an experience. Just 19 more days to go [soon to be 18 as I’m typing this]. I just need to not spend too much. Hahah. At least I can stay at my host mom’s apartment for the 2 days after the program ends so I don’t have to stay in a hostel. Saved 60-some pesos there.

Oh, time’s up. Back to studies.

Day 133: “Live and Let Learn, Love All You Can Love & Smile” said the Music Box

It’s recently come to my realization that life’s greatest lessons, no matter how much you’re taught about them or how much you anticipate them, you’ll never know the true meaning of them until you experience them yourselves. The moment you experience something epic, something intrinsically within you clicks.

I spent half of my life being told how I arrogant I was or how big of an ego/pride that hold and I never really realized how just how much I was arrogant/egotistical/overly-proud until I saw what I was doing to myself because of my arrogance. I was closing myself out of this world and waiting out my study abroad till the end so I could go home. Now, 23 days before I leave for home, I’ve never felt so unprepared to leave. It really hit me. And I think I was lucky enough to realize this while I’m still here in Argentina.

However, this is nothing new. I’m just slow to realize things that affect me as such. My mind is always…elsewhere.

I think despite having studied in at a film school this semester, it was too theoretical beyond comprehension. I’m sure I failed one of them already. But, there’s nothing that can stop me from moving toward my goals in life. Of course, I’m upset that my grades didn’t turn out the way I wanted, but I’m not going to let it hinder my path toward my mission in life.

I’ve also realized here just how much music is a part of my life. The absence of being able to just walk into a room with a piano and play has left me incomplete. I thought film would be enough to fulfill my life, but more recently I found myself humming new tunes and writing lyrics. Over this summer I had teetered between movie-making and music composing. I didn’t know which to choose and I had a really hard time deciding which I should devote more time to. But, as Nona had told me through a phone call at 1am in the morning [a true friend], if I enjoy doing both, I should just do both and not worry about it.

This was definitely a reply to all my efforts in my life of literal creativity.

However, a little of that hole filled itself when I presented my movie. It was the first time I was able to show a completed filmic work in front of a people solely for its purpose. It was completely stand alone and didn’t have to compliment a paper or a study. And, it was also in front of my 4 COPA professors that specialize in film critique. It was received pretty positively, I would say, though I have to say I like everyone else’s movie more than mine. For the amount of time it took to put it together, it’s okay, but I know it could be better.

“A creative artist works on his next composition because he was not satisfied with his previous one.” – Dimitri Shotakovich

If I had more time in Buenos Aires, I want to remake it using all the comments that I got to make it better. Oh, how I wish I could just do that.

On a different note, it’s interesting how you can look back and find support from the things you’ve done in the past. As Kuru Kuru Team, we wrote a song for Student Festival earlier this year, and listening to the song and taking in the lyrics made me realize just how much wisdom I had before I came on study abroad, how much I needed to keep aiming higher and making determinations to live each moment of every day. I found it interesting that I was able to find comfort in something I created months before without anticipating that’d I’d look back on it now thinking about it.

I don’t have much more to say after all that, but SMILE. Even the shittiest day can change if you just smile. For some reason, it has the ability to make you feel much better, and it has even a greater capacity to make other’s happy also.

As I’ve said at the start of this entry, life’s greatest lessons don’t click until you truly experience them. Up until that point you can only trust that what people will tell you about their experiences is what it will be when it happens to you. There will be moments when you think you understand, but there will moments after that that’ll get you closer to that understanding. Life itself is a learning process. I thought I had been living a life of creativity, but only in the most literal sense. I only realize now that I’m beginning to live a creative life on the most fundamental level as well.

Damn, last day of November, first final tomorrow. Gya!

“There is no one lonelier or more unhappy than a person who does not know the pure joy of creating a life for himself or herself. To be human is not merely to stand erect and manifest intelligence or knowledge. To be human in the full sense of the word is to lead a creative life.

“The struggle to create new life from within is a truly wonderful thing. There is found the brilliant wisdom that guides and directs the workings of reason; the light of insight that penetrates the farthest reaches of the universe; the undaunted will to see justice done that meets and challenges all the assaults of evil; the spirit of unbounded care that embraces all who suffer. When these are fused with that energy of compassion that pours forth from the deepest sources of cosmic life, an ecstatic rhythm arises to color the lives of all people.” – Buddhism Day by Day, November 24.

End – Week 19: The Final Forefront

Day 129...130: Jaded...

So... the sun is rising soon. Or at least I think it is. You can't really tell with all the buildings, but it's a fact that it's getting lighter out, and there's already trucks driving around. Que ruidoso.

I'm still attempting to finish my LAST essay of my study abroad experience. Unfortunately, it's supposed to be 10 pages, and I only have 4...well technically 3. What is wrong with me, seriously. Oh, did I mention that it's "technically" due in 4 hours.

Aha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

No, seriously, I'm laughing. This week so far, I've only slept, at most, 7 hours. I'm tired, but I'm almost there. This week was pretty tough:

- 1 report on Operacion Masacre
- 1 4-page essay
- 1 10-page essay (still finishing it up)
- 2 midterm retakes (1 more today)
- 1 short film

It's worse than in the states, SERIOUSLY. I thought it was bad that teachers had homework due on the same day. I can't ever imagine going through something like this again, where all my "finals" are due the same week. I've never been so tired. The fact that everyday is in the high 80s/low 90s doesn't help much either. It's really a pain to be walking around outside in my own skin, because it's just so humid and hot. But, despite being tired and unmotivated to do work, I've never been so productive for a long period of time.

I think the key thing is to get out of the room and study elsewhere.

Anyway, final day before oral exams! Premiere of my short film, which I will try to post as soon as I get the chance, midterm retake #2, and... long-ass essay due that I still need references for.

Yeah. I should... go back to writing that paper.

P.S. I miss being able to walk over next door and asking for food [suffering from all-nighter munchies].

Day 124: It’s Easy to Shut Yourself from the World…

The greatest obstacle, devilish function, challenge has fallen upon me this week. I want to start by saying that the system here in Argentina isn’t something to really gloat about. Before this week, I didn’t realize how I was doing in any of my classes, save my lit class which had its midterm way in October. I received both my grades for both of my other parciales for my other 2 classes.

2s. The system here works on a 1-10 scale, 10 being the highest. In other words, I’m failing two classes. My heart sank. I lost all will to stand, suddenly felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt alienated. Two tests I thought I had done well on and these were the end results. I had studied tirelessly for one, and even studied with a group for other.

Fucking 2s. It was like getting hit by a truck twice, only because I found out my grades on two separate days.

Is this what my study abroad here has come down to? Failing grades? To add salt to the wound, for one of my classes, my friends [also exchange students] passed. I didn’t want to see them. I didn’t have the courage to face them…rather…anybody. I was ashamed. So I left.

You know the moments in movies when some poor guy gets dumped or something and he goes into this trance while stumbling along the street side, humming some unrecognizable song in the rain. That’s what it felt like. I finally understood what it’s like to feel so low.

Usually, I find myself drowning myself in music with English or Japanese lyrics whenever I’m stressed about anything. But, recently I lent my friend my USB cable to charge my iPod, so I drained it well before I got these grades back.

It’s so easy to shut yourself out from the world. You just put ear buds in your ears and let pieces of home heal your heart.

When I needed this the most, I didn’t have it. The world completely crashed on me and there was nowhere for me to escape. I was so stuck in a world I didn’t want to be in, I began to shut the world out completely. I didn’t care what happened to me. My legs just took me where they wanted me to and the breath in lungs slowly escaped my throat, creating a song that even I didn’t know. The Castellano around me never reached me. It was as in an instant my ability to speak and understand Castellano disappeared. I wanted to stand in the middle of traffic and just let it all go. Because I felt that I had nothing to cling to.

Normally, I wouldn’t freak about bad grades, but just in the context of how I’m able to study abroad in the Butler program because I fought to get in, made me feel horrible. “It’ll be too difficult for you…” “You’re not proficient enough…” Those words just kept repeating and repeating in my head over the course of those days. I fell deeper and deeper into those words. I could just imagine the “I told you so” the moment I stepped back on campus. What was my purpose for being here? Why did I come? Every reason I had come here for completely left my mind.

I really didn’t know how I would get myself out of this episode.

But I think one thing for sure [and I truly realize this now] is that I’m so protected. Both of these days I was able to confide in friends who’ve helped me get out of this. And my dad called me out of the blue, which, just hearing his voice made me feel much better. I talked to my mom about it also, and I’m just so appreciative to have parents that support me with this situation.

I’m still in that trance and I think I still have some block in my mind, although I’m slowly getting out of it. I’m able to at least retake these exams this coming week so I need to prep up for that and then prepare for the finals that come after. There’s no time for me to waste. It’s either I fail not trying, or I try to pass with my all.

Within my last 31 days here, I have two re-takes, one 4-page essay, one book report, one 10-page essay, a presentation on feminism, a short film, and 3 oral presentations to write and prepare. My heart wants to go home, so bad. But, I’m almost there. Just a few bumps to get over.

All I can do now is chant, renew my determinations, work and study all that I can. These obstacles are coming to me now for a reason, and surely if I overcome them, some good will come. I’m setting aside any setbacks for now, but surely some repercussions will come later. But, right now, I just need to focus on the “now”. The causes I’m making today for my tomorrows…

Thanks for the support.

Day 100: For Study Abroad, Leave Your Ego at Home

Dear yo…

As I write this it is 3 minutes till it hits midnight and 100 days of being abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Congratulations Kusho, you have made it this far and you only have 56 more days to live, love, laugh, and scream on Argentine turf.

Being here has definitely been one of the most challenging endeavors I have ever encountered in my life. I think it’s safe to say that NOTHING will ever be this challenging again, though I will continue to fight every moment in my life. Let’s backtrack:

In July I was a mess: couldn’t understand a lick of Spanish and couldn’t comprehend the concept of Castellano. And, speaking was a totally different world. I could hardly meet new people and I was reluctant to open up to what the city had to offer. Although I feel like I did the most exploring during this time, my heart wasn’t there; it was still at home tucked away under my security blankets. This was my first indication that I wasn’t chanting enough. First night, I remember wanting to chant all night, just so that I could be so sure that everything will be all right in the end, and all I could do was chant under the bed sheets to sleep.

In August things were still difficult. School still hadn’t started, let alone coordinating classes between 5 different universities was a nightmare. It’s insane how class registration is 1-2 weeks before classes start. Luckily, I kept it simple and decided to take all my classes at the film school [all my classes meaning, all 3 of my elective classes outside of what the program requires]. In terms of the city, I still couldn’t get over not seeing a lick of green for blocks at a time. The parks here only made me crave more of the nature that I wanted. This is when help from a familiar place came and I was able to, first, go to the kaikan with Erika and then to Mendoza with her for a weekend before classes started.

I think of all the months, August was the most challenging. Classes started and I broke down mentally and physically. Some aspects of Argentine life made me so angry. Why was I being called “China, China.” Why couldn’t people understand how wrong it was to just group people that look the same like that? And I got so sick from [with hives that even affected my vision because my face was so swollen, depression, and minor flu] that I thought I would have to drop out of Argentina and go back to the US. And, the strange thing is, I was doing it to myself. My faith had dropped like it fell into an endless pit. My daimoku bottle had finally emptied out. With this I started chanting again, not consistently, but whenever it was convenient. It was only the start.

Then September came…and went. I focused more on studies. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that what I earn as a grade here will actually transfer and get incorporated into my GPA when I get back to SUA. Castellano was still very difficult, and I think my days were all the same, a routine, but I had a better grasp of things: where my favorite kiosks were, which station to get off at to go to certain places, how professors teach, when to laugh at jokes, how to get from place to place without a Guia T. With this routine, I incorporated a more consistent faith and even wanted to do a 10-hour toso, for myself, before the end of study abroad so I can come back a stronger person.

And here we are, October. It started out with my 21st birthday, my halfway through study abroad, and a rather different approach to study abroad. I was so worried about academics that I had forgotten my stay here was limited. With this I began to haul ass. But before that, I wanted to be able to lay past worries to rest with fresh determinations. So on October 10th 2008, I did my first 10-hour toso, from 10am to 10pm with a few short breaks in between. I didn’t think I was able to get through it, but I did.

One of the concerns I was chanting about was to get in contact with one professor who would start class immediately and run away as soon as class was done, so I was never able to talk to her about how I was going to get graded, especially since everyone else in the class had to write a large thesis. A week later, she approached and talked to me about how I was going to get evaluated for the class. It was more than enough to make me feel like everything else would work out. I was able to do more and I felt free from being worried about unnecessary things. And needless to say, I was able to really get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, make new friends.

The point is [yes, it’s taken a long time to get here… I get an “F” for getting off topic], the difference between the beginnings of study abroad and now, is like night and day. And it’s not a matter of what’s going on around you either. It was most certainly internal. My outlook on my life in Buenos Aires changed tremendously. I think one thing about SUA is we are forced to study abroad. I think deep down I was one of those who didn’t want to study abroad or at least felt like it was too early. But, now it’s just a matter of living or don’t.

Comparisons are a no-no. There is nothing to compare, but yourself: the “you” of where you were and the “you” of where you are now. Change is inevitable and regardless of where you are fighting your life, you are changing. Your mind, your heart, your views. The way we express ourselves, the way we talk, the way we listen, the way we act. Todo. I didn’t realize till a few weeks ago when I dropped my French fries and screamed “MIERDA” instead of “F***” that I have changed in this way. When you’re willing to open up to the world around, the world will open for you.

So in closing, if it’s anything I’ve learned so far from this experience, leave your ego at home and don’t forget to pack your heart. When you have an ego stuck to you, you are less open to the new world you’ve yet to experience. I can’t wait to see myself 56 days from now when I’m on the plane home, how much I’ve changed from the moment I started this letter to yo. To me.

May the next 56 days hit me like a train with action, adventure, pensive thoughts, long-lasting friendships, deep dialogues and, without doubt, memories-to-be. Thanks to all who have been SO supportive throughout this long process. I will not let you guys down.

Day 82: Letter to My Twin Soka Brothers and Sisters [3/5]

Just when you think I've decided to update...here's just a filler. One day, I'll have the time and energy to focus on updating these; however, till that time comes, sorry! -_-;; Aaa...so many stories to tell, so little time to tell it in. On one final note, I've completed my 10-hour daimoku today! It was tough, it was brutal, but it was worth it. Need I say more? [I'll recount later...]

2008.10.10, 10-hour toso, 10am-10pm with breaks: accomplished. KYAA!
Kusho. Out.


[taken from Facebook] You know you´re living in Argentina when...

- Breakfast is crackers, lunch is ñoquis, milanesa, or empanadas, and dinner´s at 23:00.
- Most of the girls you know wear chupin pants, bright colored shirts, and converse shoes.
- Well, everyone wears converse shoes... from your host grandfather to the remisero to the lady checking you out at the super.
- You´ve gotten enganchado with a telenovela.
- You have a kiosko radar and can find candy, gaseosa (usually pomelo), y/o carne within a block of any location in your town.
- You automatically divide all prices by 3 or 4.
- When you see people walking around in labcoats you know they´re not scientists, but actually public school kids. But those preschool teacher dresses are just weird.
- You´ve had a near-death experience crossing the road.
- You know the location of all the heladerias in your town. And could give an educated lecture on the variety of flavors, and how they are responsible for all of those kiloooos!
- You can ride your bike to school, get icecream, buy meat, go to about 17 kioskos, and about 7 different chinese supers. And you ride your bike instead of taking a remis because 4 pesos is just way too much.
- Your rotary encourages you to take the micro to Buenos aires so they don´t have to drive you. Jejeee.
- Cumbia is in your bones. you just can´t get that ch chchch chchch beat out.
- You can go into whatever kiosko you want and buy a life´s supply of quilmes, gancia, and fernet. and you have :) it lasted one night with your crazy compañeros.
- When you ask an argentine ¿How are you? (en ingles) they say FINE every single time. Every. Single. Time. You never met such "fine" people in your life
- You have a street, plaza, and a club atletico named after San Martin. And at least one host brother or host cousin named Martin too.
- Your compañeros are Juan, Maria, Sofia, and Lucia.
- Mayonesa is more than a condiment.
- You have been known to say "MACdohnalds" and "shonny deep" in order to be understood.
- Yessica Yolanda lleva su malla amarilla a la playa. we speak prettier. and cordobeses sing!
- You´re an hincha of Boca or River
- football no longer makes you think of fat buys in masks. hockey doesn´t involve ice, and you´ve given up on trying to explain lacrosse.
- Your feet are always dirty. But a cleaning lady comes once a day?
- They´ve eaten all of your peanut butter, nutella, chocolate, skittles (es-qui-tles), and other delicacies from los eeuu.
- You used to be a vegetarian. Past tense.
- Eggs and carrots belong together. Tomatoes and Onions belong together. Lettuce belongs alone. They do NOT all belong together!
- You forgot your key and had to ring the doorbell at 7.30 am but it was okay because your host brother does it every sunday morning.
- You live a block from your host grandparents, 3 from your host cousins, and 10 from your crazy great aunt.
- You know at least 1 person who died in a cuatriciclo accident, moto, or micro, or auto. but SEATBELTS ARE FOR WIMPS!
- You cross your q´s.
- Ya fue....
- Floggers are silly. and they wear bright pants.
- You spell your name phonetically in your native language. Every person you know has a different nickname for you. Juan - Juanito, juancito, juany, juani, juanche and it goes onnn
- Los Simpsón are everyyywherreeeeee....... and obviously a completely 100% accurate portrayal of yanqui life!
- You see your 14 year old host brother in the boliche at 6 am.
- Your english classes teach only the most important phrases: NO WAYYY!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! WHAT UP, BITCHES?? WHAT´S COOKIN GOOD LOOKIN? (your alumnitos will do great in the english speaking world :) )
- Bithdays involve the entire town going to your garage and eating chips (not chips, sheeps) and pizzetas and tomando una cervecita a las 4 en la tarde.
- "8 a la tarde" doesn´t sound funny anymore.
- There are more people in the street at 4 am the 4 pm. te juro por dios.
- You´ve fallen in love with Buenos Aires. And with every argentine man you lay your eyes on... aren´t they just such bonbones?
- You learned to swear before you learned the present tense... q hdp!!!
- Dando vueltas is a great pasttime, especially with 12 people in the truckbed.
- You drink mate for breakfast, lunch, and merienda. For dinner you drink cerveza or vino. Or mate if you´re THAT addicted :)
- You beat them at truco because they thought you didn´t understand bajajaja.
- You use spanish words with your friends from home and they´ve just gotten used to it (q polmo! q pesado!)
- You took a math test and got an 8 without studying because you learned it in 8th grade. but you´d never tell them that....
- Your town has its own television station. You were on it and felt famous!
- "Che" has become part of your vocabulary. Pero mal, boludo, mal.
- No one else seems to realize how funny the gallegos talk.
- When they talk about Bush, you say you´re from Canada. Hee hee.
- You don´t have to dye your hair to be blonde!
- Yanqui isn´t an insult. But if you´re belgian and they call you verga... basta eh!
- "She plays very good," it says on the board. You say, sorry ma'am, but it´s "well" and she says, callate yanqui, we teach british english here. umm?
- "You´re protestant? DO YOU BELEIVE IN GOD?"
- When people ask you... so why did the american public pick bush to be the leader of the free world, you answer with HAVE YOU EVER MET 1 PERSON WHO VOTED FOR CRISTINA KIRCHNER? pwned.
- You´ve been begged to incite a movement in your home country to fight against britian for the MALVINAS because they´re OURS!
- You´re more argentine than the argentines because you learned how to dance tango.
- Pencils are for wimps, we use lapiceras and borra tinta, baby!
- You being to think in the metric system... and get questions like "How many kilometers is it from your state to Iowa?" (I did today at lunch. i said 1000? who knows hahaha)
- You have materias that are inexplicable in spanish or english or your language.. Planificiation? What?
- When you fall you say "oof" and when you´re confused you say "eh?"
- Everything is better with an alfajor.
- If you´re from any pcia except buenos aires, you hate porteños, If you´re from pcia bsas, you get offended when they call you a porteño. and if you´re a porteño, you don´t care what those paisanos think anyways. Do they even have electricity?
- Nacho is a nickname for Ignacio, not a spicy "mexican" food.
- In fact, just throw out any reference to Mexico you might have in your vocabulary. Their food is too spicy.
- You like to style your buso de egresados. or you will when it arrives 2 days before you leave for your home country. because in argentina 45 days means 67 days probably.
- Girls DO NOT PLAY FUTBOL.
- "Not" jokes just don´t translate. You tried.
- The day you met the argentine who appreciated your postal service and not just Avirl and Red Hot you got irrationally excited.
- Dulce and Salado must be kept far far apart.
- You can have a kickass day in buenos aires for 20 pesos. Less, if you don´t eat :)
- You got your legs waxed for $15 pesos. Wasn´t worth it.
- "YOU USE TAMPONS? THAT DE-VIRGINIZES YOU!!!"
- Stories start with "when the dollar was igual with the peso."
- You go into a virtual coma during school. But you "don´t understand spanish" so it´s unhelpable!
- You make up words like "unhelpable" because "you don´t speak english" either. hee heeee
- Maybe unhelpable is a word?
- Stop drinking my hair you prostitute´s child balls´ sweller! THE FEMALE PARROT´S VAGINA!
- Salis? Tomas? Tenes novio?
- Deesnay.
- "Oh i thought you were from here" makes your day.
- "You want to put any grade above a 4 on the refrigerator. and speaking of refrigerators, don´t open it with bare feet or expect a "shock" hahah pun!
- You get really really intense pleasure from helping the tourists.
- It´s raining? No school!
- You are tan during the winter! Well, the winter at home.
- You idolize folklore dancers. Okay, they are really cool. have you seen their boots???
- At least once you searched "college internships in argentina" on google (go o glay) to see if there as a full paid job in the summer in buenos aires.
- You give the english teacher particular. But you had to speak like a Good British Chap to be understood.
- Espangles es lo más awesome q hay! Also, conjugaring spanish verbos en English!
- You have a canadien "eh" but you´re not from canada... it´s an Argentine "eh"!
- Streets and towns are named after dates... not weird!
- "Children... this is a real live YANQUI! Ask her a question!!" "yoo liek HI SCHOO???"
- The best nights aren´t in the boliche but under the milky way (it actually exists!) with friends, a campfire, and a guitar.
- Host siblings son mas cariñosos cuando medio-tomados hahaha
- La calle más larga... el rio mas ancho...
- It´s cute when they speak spanish... Even if it´s "fuck youuu!!!" (and it´s cuter if it´s your host mom or if they spell it faqiu!)
- You spend hours talking to viejos bout los militares y la guerra de las malvinas, and it fascinates you in a away your own history never could.
- They know who you are. you don´t remember them, but they know who you are. and they know your horoscopic sign.
- The devil wears makeup: Cristina Kirchner.
- You spent the spring saliendo, the summer at the pool and on the road, and the fall doing all of the things you wanted to do your whole life.
- You listen to Rock Nacional, are involved in the paro (FUERZA CAMPO), and have an argentine flag in your room but you´re still foreign. and you kind of wish you weren´t.

Day 73: Running on 3 Hours and Sugar

So, continuing on the subject of the essay, we finished, oh yes… just we got to class an hour late because we had a million different versions with corrections on each of them. That and we didn’t know how to combine them all to make it coherent. Just to give you taste of what our essay was like…

So, the essay was supposed to be 3-10 pages, single or double-spaced…I have no idea. Our final page count was 8 pages, single spaced…

Yea, it was a lot to correct and make any sense out of it. So, we were sitting the café and then in the fotocopiadora making corrections, rewriting sentences, changing words. It was pretty intense. I actually got tired of staring at Microsoft Word. It was kind of saddening since I have to stare at it to work on Project esCAPE.

Aside from that, the paper being done and not dictating my life and all, I think I’m hopping back on my old SUA schedule of things, being able to sleep less and work more. Although it does get irritating sometimes to know that you only slept like 3 hours, but you know, whatever gets the job done, goes. I even bought 3 alfajores (which are probably the most delicious concoctions ever created by mankinda). 2 of coconut with chocolate and dulce de leche, and the other a regular chocolate-covered one with nuts sprinkled on top.



You know, sitting in the café working on the paper I heard a very nostalgic song. “Santeria” by Sublime. I don’t like the lyrics, but it’s a really catchy tune, and it really brings back memories of sitting on the bus after school 4-5 years back. Pretty sweet.

Anyway… Break is over… Need to continue working. Bleh.

P.S. Those entries last week…will magically appear…this weekend.

Day 72: When September Ends

I can’t believe a month has past. And I can’t BELIEVE I HAVE A 10-PAGE GROUP PAPER DUE TOMORROW.

It’s insane. I’m really tired of thinking about this paper. I just want it to be done. I’m feeling the pain of junior year WRITING at SUA outside of SUA. But, I’ll endure. I can’t let my group down.

Aside from that I realized the Spanish language is much easier to learn in Spanish. I understand a lot of the concepts much better than when professors try to explain them to me in English. However, I also think my English is slowly degenerating and my vocabulary is slowly slipping. I took a practice verbal GRE test.

It was not good.

What a way to end September, right?

With a new outlook of the future, and hope brimming with rays and rays of suffocating sunshine.
[please note the sarcasm…]

Day 71: ...still in the process of doing a major update...

As the title says, I'm still in the process of doing a massive update on this blog. Maybe after Wednesday, I'll be good and up-to-date. Yay, for midterms (pt.1) week! X_X

I came to a nice realization today in class. Cinema is a very humanistic art. The fact that its life has the subjectivity to change is amazing, giving any one subject the opportunity to change, up until death. However, the moment the subject dies, the state of the subject cannot be changed.

Applied now: Let's say there's a bad character in a movie. Throughout the movie, the subjectivity of this bad character allows him to change for the good, if he choose to be. He can change and become a good person. However, he could also not change and die, and he'll forever be branded as the bad character. Cinema allows the possibility to change up until the last moment of life.

Isn't that great.

Cinema as the humanistic art of the 21st century. I believe I can change the world with this.

On a different note: I HATE WRITING PAPERS... IN SPANISH

Day 63: A Rainbow on the First Day of Spring

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Day 62: Fall 2008 SUA Buenos Aires, Argentina Study Abroaders UNITE!

Finally, Buenos Aires study abroaders from Soka UNITED!

It didn’t occur to me till now just how much all of us are growing from study abroad. It’s so crazy. People can actually change in the span of a few months.

Erika and I first met up in the Juramento Plaza where they had a feria. I walked into the plaza and I thought it was…snowing. Turns out it was just stuff from the trees drifting down. XD Yep, so we walked around the feria looking at what they were selling and then we met up with Kelsey.

We ate at a place near the plaza where beef was less than $8. And it was good. Really good. Mm. I’m craving it now. Anyway, it was great to be able to talk about Argentina and sharing the where-to’s, the how-to’s and places that are good to visit. It also brought back a little touch of home, SUA, for all of us I’m sure.

Hearing things about Salta, especially, made me want to visit once before I go back. It’s a 20-hour bus ride, so it’s kinda far… kinda.

I can’t believe their program is almost over… I still have nearly another 2 months after they’re done. It’s insane. They get to go off and travel.

I have classes, midterms, and finals.

Joy.

Day 61: The World Stops for COPA… SERIOUSLY

There’s nothing BETTER than needing to wake up at 6 in the morning on a Friday when one HAS NO CLASS. Absolutely nothing.

I had the second part of my visa thing today. I overheard someone from my program talking, and I absolutely agree: by the time we get our visas, we’d only have 50-some days left in Argentina. And even so, apparently if we were to travel outside of Argentina during the semester, we could just continue studying here WITHOUT a visa because a tourist can stay a max of 90 days.

So, I met up with two people in my program to go to this visa place. We got there at 7:30 [we were supposed to meet at 8] and there was already a line of at least 50 people. We were about to get in line when this guy who had some connection with our program said we had to wait for him. So we waited…and waited…

But, it was cool. I got to talk to people inside and outside of my program. For a moment, when I was talking to people, I wanted to stay for a year because just hearing how well these people spoke was amazing. But, I don’t think I could stay a year. It’s too much.

So anyway, when we were finally allowed to go in, after almost 45 minutes of waiting in the cold, we were met with another huge mass of people. Literally it was a little past 8 and it looked like there were people waiting for a concert to happen or something. We skipped past them and we were sat down to wait for our papers and stuff.

The process itself was BORING. I’m glad I did get there earlier, because I did get priority. I was third in line within my program. So they stamped this and that, and took down my info. I paid 200 pesos and I thought I was done. I seriously thought, till 3pm my ass… I’m already done.

Then the lady tells me to go past these doors and wait for my name to be called. I was like okay.

When I go in, there’s seriously about 8 people, nada mas. So, someone please explain to me why my name didn’t get called till noon. Out of nowhere all these people were getting called before me, and they had just walked in… Luckily I brought my homework, but I fell asleep reading it…waiting.

And my name was the first to get called in from my program, so I didn’t expect to hear my name, right. I snort awake and look around, dumbfounded, before everyone in my program were like “FINALLY” and then gesturing me to desk.

So, you would think all this waiting would amount to something really awesome. No.

It was a piece of paper and they just took my thumbprint. That’s it…

I think I would’ve spent those 4-5 hours much better…cuz after that, I just ended up sleeping the rest of the day. Yay. What a waste.

Day 60: Rush of Blood to the Head

So two other people and I turned in a paper today for Panorama de Lit. It was a group paper on the comparison of the Odyssey and the Aneid. There were only 3 questions, and it was pretty damn easy. Awesome.

One thing I’ve definitely gotten used to and I realized today was the fact that I can walk faster without gasping for breath. And that’s with carrying my laptop too. Although it’s a pain to stuff myself into the subway cart in the mornings, it’s totally worth bringing my laptop to class.

So, why did I bring it especially today?

For my show biz class, I had a paper (10 lines) about the No-Places and Violence, and another on my pre-thesis. I worked on it a little in between Pan de Lit and Intro, but I had to run home because I’ve still yet to buy a friggin converter for my adapter.

When I get home, I realize I didn’t like my thesis topic. So I changed it. It’s now Representation and Stereotypes of Asians in North American Cinema. Pretty interesting right? Yea, hopefully.

Anyway, what’s amazing is, I was able to finish both of these in the span of 2 hours. Both a page each and in Spanish. I’d say, that’s pretty awesome accomplishment [don’t judge me, I’m special].

So, I leave early to rush to the fotocopiadora near my school and ask them to print. I was so excited, because I was on top of it. I was ready to start class. I was so happy I got caught up. It was the greatest feeling.

And the professor ended up not showing.

Which was okay, I guess. It was a needed break for me most definitely. Actually, it was more of a little present. XD

However, because I hadn’t done a presentation thus far in class, my name was one of the few that got called to get my pre-thesis read and analyzed. So throughout the first part of class I was panicking, thinking my thing was going to be read. Luckily, the people in the class were asking other thing about the thesis SO we didn’t read it the first part of class.

And I ran away during break.

Day 59: The Universe is Telling Me Something

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.”
- Robert Herrick

Today, my Panorama de Literatura professor recited this to emphasize the concept of carpe diem, while introducing the renaissance. The way she recited it was absolute awe-inspiring. I think one thing that came and went today was my motivation. After hearing this quote in class, I was really pumped and was ready for anything coming my way.

There’s actually great meaning [or at least I think so] that this quote was brought up today because on my way to la FUC and waiting for the crosswalk to turn green, I saw a pigeon just walking around one of the cars, and without a second’s notice, it was run over. It put life into a perspective. Our lives can end just like that, without a moment’s notice, and the things we’ve done, the things we’ve said, everything stays at that. There’s no chance to apologize, to change what could’ve been.

It’s a pit full of regret just waiting to be fallen into.

Carpe diem. Live each moment as if it’s the last, because realmente, it’s so easy to die. Just living through a day is an accomplishment, and it’s something that we take for granted, something that we simply don’t appreciate enough. It means that you were able overcome what today brought you, and you’re ready for the next challenges.

Some days when I’m here, I feel so defeated, I wish for tomorrow to never come. But, what good does that do for me? Time will still move; the sun will still rise; and it will be tomorrow again, today. Life is so precious and yet I haven’t taken it seriously. Seeing something die in front of me so flawlessly definitely set things into motion for me.

Yet, I’m still seemingly defeated but things I shouldn’t be – I can somehow find a parallel between SA and the first semester at SUA [actually it’s almost uncanny how similar the two are]. There are moments I feel content being here and there are other moments when I just want to break loose and run away.

And then, things like past thoughts [como Herrick’s poem] bring it back to reason. “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying, And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying.” Each day is a memory waiting to be created. Each moment that we spend may not last till tomorrow, but surely those memories will keep them alive.

Oh, how I miss romanticism.

Day 58: Sometimes I Make Myself Wonder…

First off, I would like to say: “oversleeping” is not synonymous for “being late,” though it is possible to use both in a cause and effect sentence. For example, “I am late because I overslept.” Today, I completely defied that. I definitely overslept [my alarm clock], but I made it on time for class. It’s one of those days when you find yourself waking up before your alarm clock and you fall asleep again, and then before you know it, the next time you wake up, you’re supposed to be half way towards the subway.

I ran… It was almost embarrassing, though I didn’t care at the time. It’s funny how I stress so easily. The moment I got to the university, I walked up to the door of my classroom and tugged on it for a while, thinking it was stuck. Nope. Just locked. And then, I texted my professor asking him where class was. Turns out he wasn’t even there yet. So, it was a big sigh of relief.

Anyway, I found myself thinking the ENTIRE day: “Think positive, Kusho. Positive, positive, positive!” This week is really shitty, I can already tell. I think it’s because I have so much to do for my classes. You know how there are some days when it seems that all of your professors [and only the professors YOU have] somehow coordinated to assign the most work, all during the SAME week.

Yeah. This is one of those weeks.

Literally, if you know what my pocket-size Moleskin notebook looks like, I have two full pages of things-to-dos. Argh. I hate my life right now. Yes, I’m being emo. Leave me be in my corner.

[dot dot dot]

So, here’s the thought that makes me wonder: the moment I jumped out of bed and ran my way to the subway, all I thought in was Spanish. “Mierda, mierda, mierda. Por qué me acosté tarde la noche pasada!” So… I think, somewhere between orientation and now, my mind made a switch. Or maybe it’s just because I didn’t have time to even flip a language switch and it just stuck to Spanish?

Whatever the case, I ended up speaking more Spanish in school today. Unfortunately, that led me to do a presentation by myself on one of the chapters of one of the readings for one of my hardest classes. -_-;;

At least I have 2 weeks to prepare.

Goody.

Day 57: Re-determination… Doesn’t Come So Easily

I raced a pigeon today. Guess which one of us won. Me. Wanna know another pigeon no-joke? Why didn’t the pigeon have to cross the road? Because I kicked it to the other side. Seriously. I can step right next to a pigeon and it won’t fly away. No joke.

So, why do I start off on this random spiel about pigeons? Because, for some reason, there’s not much to talk about. I just want to run away from my surroundings and hide under a rock. It’s incredibly hard. I’m slowly beginning to realize just how hard it is to live. Yes, to live. We can die at any moment, but we can’t live fully without regrets without fully realizing and making each moment count.

I was really reluctant to leave my room today. But, then I thought, hey, what was the point of me coming here anyway. *dry look*

Right now, I’m stuck in a bind. I just need to plow through it. Somehow, all the while playing catch up. XP

On a good note, I found out I’m in the group where all my friends are for the Bariloche trip. It’s from Oct. 24-26. Something to look forward to in the coming month. XD

P.S. Things that should be watched:
SNL Skit - Sarah Palin & Hillary Clinton Open
Matt Damon Rips Sarah Palin

Day 56: 100 Days Left

Wow. I can’t believe I’ve made it to my final triple-number day till I’m en route home. Tomorrow, it’ll be 99 days and then the day after it’ll be 98 till I’m home and it seems as if everything will roll down hill from here.

This week, my pallet has had more than enough of adventures. I’ve had Choripan and Greek chicken. Cow stomach and some kind of weird ham. It’s definitely been an adventure for my mouth. My eyes have had quite an adventure, too, looking at the menus like this one:



Honestly, I’m already mentally exhausted from academic work. I swear, I will never complain about academics again when I get back to the U.S. Nothing could ever be this hard and trying. And, I don’t think it’s completely a matter of difficulty as it is the amount of workload I get IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE. But, it’s a matter of tolerance.

I’ve become more patient, or at least more withholding when it comes to thoughts and feelings that may hurt other people. But, I’ve also become more open about feelings that I have for myself. I don’t think I’m in a constant denial with myself anymore, or at least as much as I used to be. It’s much easier to deal with myself. I don’t have warring consciousnesses that insist one thing over the other.

You know, I read somewhere: “The person who you’re with most in life is yourself and if you don’t like yourself you’re always with somebody you don’t like.” It’s taking myself to the next level. How much more comfortable can I get in my own skin? Will self-conscious thoughts and insecurities take away my freedom?

No.

Today, I felt more like myself than ever before. I walked out on the streets with my touristy socks-and-slippers, sweatpants, and hoodie to go study with a few friends in the park. And I didn’t care. Some of the little things, the little habits that you thought you could do without, sometimes come to save you from losing yourself, from forgetting that little voice inside you that makes you who you are.

Everyday, we are faced with a mirror. The people we see, the streets we walk along, the environment we live in, everything has some reflection of something within you. The moment you change how you look at yourself on the inside, the way you see things outside change.

Today, the world was beautiful.

“I am beautiful // No matter what they say // Words can't bring me down // I am beautiful // In every single way // Yes words can't bring me down // So don't you bring me down today” – “Beautiful” – Christina Aguilera

End – Week 8: Side Notes

Day 55: Like a Scene from a Movie

Today is one of those days where I had to commit myself to a group study meeting for our cinematographic aesthetics class. We had to analyze a movie called Close Up by an Iranian director in the context of a reading we read. It wasn’t too bad.

I was walking down Palermo Soho, and it was probably one of the most beautiful and peaceful streets I had ever seen. It was quite and the sidewalks were lined with trees that shed their browning leaves. The air was crisp and cool, but the sun’s warmth complemented it nicely. The place we were meeting was a small book store with a small café that had an outside patio. Because there were 6 of us, we had to sit outside. But it was nice.

Like any group study situation [or at least I think], we did a little more than talk about what we needed to get done. In face, I think we worked for about a good hour talking about the movie and the texts, but the other 2 hours we spent just talking. It was cool and in Spanish, because one of the girls in the group is studying abroad from Spain.

The place felt homey. I wouldn’t mind taking the 15-minute subte there every day just to study there and have a nice cafecito and sandwich.




Tonight, I also went out with another friend for dinner. We went to the same place we went last week. While I thought it was name Humana, it’s actually Cumana. So, we went there, this time no waiting, because we went earlier and there were only two of us. My friend decided to be daring and ordered a dish called Mondongo Argentino and I just got Pastel de papa y lomo, which is essentially a thick stew with potatoes and beef.

So, when our food came, we both gave each other a little to try. I got a nice spoonful of my friends Mondongo and thought it was interesting. The meat sort of melted in my mouth and the texture was a lot like fat, but didn’t taste like it. Actually, to me it didn’t taste like anything except tomato and onions. So, we were enjoying our food till my friend gets about a quarter of the way through, and I see this slap of meat that literally looks like a thick piece of mesh fabric…or really squishy coral of some kind, just casually sitting in her bowl.

I was eating my dish because it was delicious, when my friend says “can you try this?” and puts another thing of interesting looking “meat” in my bowl, so I try it, and it tasted like nothing. I continued eating, but as I watched my friend poking around at the “coral-y thing” I started to feel a little sick. We had a discussion on what kind of meat it could be and how we should find out. After I had finished, my friend wondered whether she should just order empanadas. But, we ended up leaving and we got ice cream at Freddo’s instead.

We had a very deep conversation about “love” and relationships. It was very interesting to be talking about that again, so openly at that. And, I’ve finally found someone that will call me Kusho here. 8]

So, I get back to the apartment and I get a text from my friend. Apparently, what I stuck in my mouth twice was cow stomach. I swear I had lost my mind the moment I read that. Surprisingly, I recovered pretty quickly from the momentary freak out and just shrugged it off. As she said, “it would be something to brag about.”

It was an interesting night.

Day 54: Time Waits for No One

I met with Erika today and we decided to venture into the unknown…or at least for me. We took the colectivo [first time for me in…nearly 5 weeks] to La Boca where the famous colorful buildings are. It was cool. I saw water! …that smelled like the swamps in SWFL [which I miss]…for like 5 minutes before it smelled like bad pollution [which I don’t want to recall ever again]. Green Planet! Save Argentina!




Anyway, we got attacked by vendors of stands and hosts of restaurants. It was really annoying. There were about like 10 of ‘em that just came at us in a row asking us the same things. There was also this guy sitting in a chair named Diego and we could’ve taken a picture with… only thing is, we didn’t know who he was in terms of whether he was famous or not. XD So, it was funny. Cuz, we were like who would want to take a picture with some random guy and pay him for it. X_X

I really like the buildings here. They look much better in reality than the pics that you see in guide books and stuff. It’s definitely a must-see place if ever you’re in the Buenos Aires area.





Erika and I also bought a binder/album thing so we can put together something for the Founder. We’re gonna write letters and get some pictures printed and show him Argentina, through our eyes. A nice little project to run away to. XD

As my triple-digit number of days that I’m here slowly comes to a close, I’m beginning to realize just how crucial the time I spend in Argentina is. In the past 50-some days, what have I done? What have I accomplished while being here? During the week, each day passes like any other and studying takes my nights and weekends away. How can I keep up with my academics and enjoy Buenos Aires also? Is it even possible?

Some days I just wonder: will I regret anything, continuing the lifestyle that I’m so conditioned to live in right now? I want to go places, but time and money holds me back. Iguazu would be awesome; Tierra de Fuego would be even cooler. But, I shrug the thought off, save it for another day, all the while I don’t realize that it’s just procrastination laughing in my face, trapping me in karmic boundaries.

At this point, I don’t think I’ll regret anything, since I think I’m enjoying myself pretty freely, given the constraints I’m in. I’m beginning to say random Spanish phrases without thinking about them like “mas o menos” or “en serio” which is another step into language immersion. I used to have to think about that. At the same time, I feel that I can go further.

But how far can I go without breaking what I have? I’m feeling pressure from both ends: from the back because there’s not enough time, from the front because there’s too much to do.

All while this goes on, time waits for no one. Such cruelty.

Day 53: Kusho and the Book of Baudrillard

I think I went to about 8 different book stores on Calle Florida looking for one, single book my Estetica y Teorias del Texto Espectaculo class today. And better yet, they were all part of the same chains too: Distal, Ateneo, Cuspide.

The first few places I went to I looked for the book myself in the philosophy and art sections. I couldn’t find them, so I started asking around. At first when I asked, I didn’t know how to say the name, but when I showed it to them, they knew exactly what I was talking about, but then they told me they didn’t have any copies.

I was so exhausted and so tired of saying the authors name and not being understood, but the second to last book store I went to referred me to another book store within their chain that had one copy. So I ran over there to get it, and ran to class [a good 20 blocks]. But yea. It was not fun. I think I’m set for not going into another book store in Argentina, though I think I highly doubt that… [oh, how I miss the campus bookstore].

Luckily, this morning I overslept and missed my 8am class. Usually, I would freak out about missing class, but today I didn’t. Actually, I take that back. I woke up at around 8:30 and then stopped caring a second later, because by the time I got there, class would’ve ended anyway. So, I took my time this morning, getting ready. I was able to PROPERLY clean my piercing today with antibacterial, and not just overly spray it with the antibiotic stuff after showering.

I think I hate Thursdays. The classes I have on Thursdays vary in difficulty. Pan de Lit is more or less easy because I’m kind of specialized in literature; Intro is just an intro to film and film culture of Argentina so I’m learning things in it; and Aesthetics and Theories is mecha hard and LONG [2 and half hours].

The book I was looking for was actually for that class, the re-dificil class. Last minute, right? I was supposed to read it for this class, but I didn’t have the time to look for the book, after I went to 3 book stores earlier this week to find it.

Anyway… it’s an interesting book, now that class ended and we touched upon it a little. I’m getting more and more materials for Capstone, which I’m definitely excited about [kinda].

The things I do for class.

Day 52: Letter to My Twin Soka Brothers and Sisters [2/5]

Fudgesicles, It’s only the second full month and I’m going insane… it’s okay. I’ve already gotten through being sick twice and severely depressed. It’s all downhill from here. I’ll make it through. Aaa… the hustle and bustle of being BUSY. Yay. So, here’s another entry dedicated to tips that could help YOU [whoever “you” may be] with your study abroad experience. This list was compiled by Erika, Maddy and I, a lot of it based on our travel to Mendoza.

• Be specific. Or else you’ll get something that you didn’t have in mind.


• If you don’t like being around smokers, make sure you write that on your housing application, or forever hold your nose.


• Carry toilet paper around with you. Whether it’s an entire roll or even a thing of tissues, bring it! Some bathrooms don’t have them in the stalls and instead have people that give you toilet paper and ask for tip.


• Always wear sunglasses. People won’t stare at you as much.


• Even if you mention you’re a vegetarian, you should say “No jamón.” Apparently they put ham on everything as if it were a vegetable.


• Bring feminine products enough for your study abroad. It can be pricey.


• Always at least a cama class on bus trips. Anything lower and you’ll be stuck with movies with sound shown without sound, gum everywhere, and an interesting meal…


• Pack extra socks. You never know when a rainy day will sogg-ify your socks…


• Plastic bags. They are versatile…even to keep your feet dry and warm.


• Don’t give Kusho alcohol [says Erika… ~_~;; poo…].


• Hostels are an experience everyone should have. Meet people who are also traveling, nice rooms and usually have tours that you can pay to do.


• Corollary to hostels: If you’re looking for a hostel online, DON’T always go with the one with best reviews and nice pictures. It can be deceiving.


• Bring your own office supplies. Ideally, post-its, paper clips, highlighters, note tabs, and one huge multi-subject notebook. It’s expensive…


• Start using military/24-hour time. It’ll make life a lot easier.


• Bring chopsticks if you prefer them over forks.


• Long-sleeved shirts are awesome for hiding money and your keys when in hand.


• On sidewalks, couples get the right of way. If one is walking towards you, move to the side. If you don’t, they’ll run you down, complete with fingers intertwined, arms linked and all.


• Buy a converter for your laptop and don’t forget to take it with you when you travel.


• Double check that you have cold meds, sinus/allergy meds, itch cream, acid reliever, and anything else that would help treat whatever medical problem you’ve ever had…


• Always carry an umbrella. Caution: umbrella traffic is terrible on rainy days.


• Remember how much everything is on the menu when you’re at a restaurant.


• No judgment, no slander, no fear. Open up and the world will open for you.


• Listen to music in the language you are studying. Seriously, 100 comprehension and vocabulary skill points right there.


• Be wary of fat pigeons.


• Believe it or not, a language button exists in your head and sometimes, it gets stuck in English. Fix it or else you’re in for hell. DX


• Always carry a Winning Life. You just never know who will approach you.


• Don’t stress, especially about things you can’t do anything about. It’s just more stress and physical strain. Think positive and you’ll get through.


• We are all ambassadors of SUA, whether we want to or not. There will always be people who want to know more about SUA and the values that are being created there. Represent.


• Traveling with other SUA people is fun. 8]

I’ve realized study abroad is more than getting out of the Soka bubble to study. It’s to reach out to a whole new world that’s just as exciting and comforting as SUA. I just needed to open my eyes, take a step back and look for it. Classes are gradually getting harder, and I’ve even encountered my first being-called-on-in-class today. It’s crazy how much one can go through in a matter of mas o menos 50 days. Crazy.

I’m going to start filming a proto of a small project soon that I [might] have to do for one of my classes sobre Buenos Aires. I’ve been struck by inspiration and life, and hopefully that’ll come through in what I make. Living a life of creativity!

Best wishes to you fellow X-mates of MMX Dynasty.

Kusho

P.S. I just counted… 1/3 of my study abroad has already gone by. Waaaaat!


The silent X.

Day 51: … Pt.2

This entry is sleeping…


[reenactment...]

Day 50: No Joke…

Why did the pigeon cross the road? Because it was too fat to fly over to the other side. Literally, half the pigeons here are obese, like more than the percentage of obese Americans. No joke.

You know something hit me. I’m the SUA’s guinea pig for Butler’s film track in Buenos Aires. Up until now, I’ve only been caring about how everything I’m doing in the film track is affecting me when I should be taking note for future SUAers who will come to BsAs for the film track.

No joke…that’s the only profound thought I had today…

Clarification: this is the shortest entry I’ve written. X_x

No joke.

Day 49: Sleepy Sundays

Yep…so I never really intended for Sundays to be Hikikomori days, where I just stay in my room and study, but it just so happened to turn out that way. And just as always, I never get anything tangible done. I get the thinking part down; I got the taking notes part over with…but to actually do an assignment, it’s almost mind-numbingly pointless.

I do the readings for class, and because I never usually have anything to contribute during discussions, I just sit and listen to the professor lecture. Granted, this is what I do at SUA, but could a class be anymore tiring than it already is? This week, I’ve realized just how draining it is to commute to class. I’ve always said it was a long walk to the subte and then a long walk from the subte, just to get to the university, but physically, it hit me hard.

I’ve been passing out on my bed the moment I get back home. It’s a nice break, an hour or so, and it gears me up for a night of studying. But, at the same time, it throws of my sleep schedule. A sleep later, then have to wake up early again. Although, it’s become routine for the past…9 years of my life [oh shit I feel old], it’s time to get back into rhythm with what my subconscious is telling me.

Anyway, motivation. It’s a hard thing to find, especially when you know there are better things to do. It’ll come around soon, I hope.

“Me gusta estar a un lado del camino // Fumando el humo mientras todo pasa // Me gusta abrir los ojos y estar vivo”

“I like to be on the side of the sidewalk, smoking away while everything passes by // I like to open my eyes and be alive” – “Al Lado del Camino” by Fito Paez

End – Week 7: Brave New World

Day 48: Rain, Rain, Thanks Today, Don’t Come Back Another Day

Filming was canceled today. Due to rain.

Normally, I would be slightly disappointed, if not pissed, to have missed a day of filming, but because I could miss it today, I was able to go see sensei’s video. Yaay.

Erika and I went to the Asian market, to look for food. I totally wanted to buy everything there, but obviously couldn’t because I was gonna go to the kaikan afterwards… and it would’ve sucked to carry everything over there. XD So yes. We were walking in the rain and having fun getting wet by the overhangs.

We went to Erika’s district leader’s house, because she had said she would take us. We took a taxi over the kaikan. Entering through the gates is like entering into a familiar world. I totally felt like I left Argentina for a few hours. The video was pretty interesting. I remember comprehending a lot of it during the actual viewing, but I think I still need to work on retaining that comprehension. X_x

After I got back to my end of Buenos Aires, I had a pretty chill evening with a few people. While we were waiting for a table to get dinner at Humana, we met up with other people from our program. We were talking, waiting for our table…slightly cold [freezing]. So originally, we were supposed to eat around 9:30ish. We actually got in like an hour and 15 minutes later.

But it was worth it.

They had good food. Man, so much was put out on the table, both literally and metaphorically. I learned a lot about people that whom I knew, but didn’t really know. It was fun.

But, damn rain. Too cold for ice cream for me.

Day 47: Extra Step Necessary to Move On

Up until this point, I’ve come a long way. It’s not even halfway there yet, but I’ve had many difficulties, victories, and stories to tell about both. But, I think this week alone, I’ve had this sense of stability and assurance that I’m okay now. This week was about getting back into my old skin with a new mental self. Just as SUA’s hustle-and-bustle restarted for another year this week, I was hustling and bustling on a different path for myself.

I think I’ve finally let go of SUA. Not the memories that I have of SUA, but my dependency and my constant comparison between SUA and Buenos Aires. They are incomparable, two distinct and separate entities. Comparing two things between each other does nothing, especially in such an inevitable position such as study abroad.

Therefore, I took another step, beyond the hustle and bustle that SUA had me doing for the past two year that helped me grow to become more compassionate, more open, more positive. A step from the exterior self that I’ve created, and into my innermost being.

So, I got my eyebrow pierced today.



0wned.

I went to the piercing parlor with Erika and a few of her friends [I met Kamron look-alike!] who were also getting something pierced. I was really nervous actually. I made my decision last-minute after Erika came out of the room with her ears pierced. !!! The lady was speaking to me in English. I was kind relieved, because I was so nervous, I don’t think Spanish would’ve gotten through to me [or maybe I was speaking in Spanish and I just don’t remember…].

But yea. It stung a little, but it was quick and easy. I was in and out. 30 pesos.

We had to go the pharmacy to pick up the solution and soap, so we stopped by there. It was funny because the four of us all bought the same things. Pretty funny.

When I got back home, I passed out. I don’t know why I was so tired, but when I woke up, I had forgotten I got my eyebrow pierced and it scared the shit outta me. Hahah.

Later tonight, I went to my friend’s house to watch two [actually 1 and a quarter] movies for class. This was the friend who had the slightly “racist” host mom. She was really nice and not at all as my friend described. She later told me that she was in one of her better moods today. Whew. Regardless, I was mentally ready, just in case anything happened.

But, afterwards when we stopped the second movie [because the quality was just too bad], we were just talking about life and music here in Buenos Aires. For the first time, since I’ve been here, I really thought that I didn’t want to leave Buenos Aires. That 5 months is slightly too short.

My subconscious is telling me to enjoy it while I can, to take that extra step.

Day 46: Devoid of Any Opinion. So, This is What It’s Like to Be a Robot.

Having 3 classes in one day is…tiring. I don’t know how people do it. Of course, one class is 3 hours long…and the other one starts 8am so I have to get up at 6 to catch the train at 7… Mm, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to have 3 classes at Soka, but here…it’s just so draining. Because I sit there. And listen.

But the classes are interesting. Just…the times suck.

I’ve never realized how philosophical cinema could be. But, when I think about it, how could I not realize that film was so philosophical, especially since it’s one of the age’s most innovative art form. It’s very interesting, and it makes me even happier that I’ve stuck with the Humanities concentration.

Perfect for my Capstone.

Aside from that, I’m learning things that I’ve already known in the practical aspect of my studies here. In a sense, it’s good to learn it in a classroom setting, just because it’s good to confirm and keep-in-check the things I know. On the other hand, it’s rather boring. But, I’m sure I’ll get something out of it.

Actually, this Saturday, I get to work with a camera with my group. It’s funny how the grouping worked out. This is one of the classes that’s required for the film track only, so it’s only COPA film track students. That’s eight of us. The professor just divided us in half with the alpha-order list. So, all the people who’ve never made a film got grouped into one, and all the people who have made a film got grouped in the other. Curious, isn’t it? XD

Filming will be interesting.

P.S. I think this is the shortest entry I’ve written thus far. I guess that’s what it means to be a robot.

Day 45: Where Did the Month Go?

Hm… I have to write a mini capstone for my Aesthetics and Theory of Show Biz class… I only call this a mini capstone because my professor and everyone else in the class call it a thesis. So… wow.

It’s September… and Spring is here…

I’m busy like whoa. I don’t know what hit me. It’s like a sudden tsunami of readings, movies and assignments completely drowning me and taking me deep into the depths of academic suicide. Luckily for me, I’ve bought myself a month’s worth of rice crackers from the oriental mart. I’m set for late nights [like tonight].

This is my break actually…

Today after all of my classes, a few friends and I went to watch a movie for class. It was fun walking around the city with them and getting to know each other more outside of the classroom setting. Definitely enjoyable to have coffee and discuss movies with them. Btw, McDonald’s food here is much better than in the states. Hands down.

I’m actually, really tired…but I feel this will be my first all-nighter here. To prevent this from ever happening again, I’m going to start my homework on weekends, as I had proposed to myself before classes even started.

I checked my email today, and it was amazingly full of mass emails from SUA. It made me sad. But, it has great meaning.

My life here is picking up, just as everyone else’s at SUA. Yay. We’re on track.

Okay, back to work…

P.S, here are some pics of the fotocopiadora. XD The land of cheap photocopies.