I’ve determined that I’m going to complete 500,000 daimoku [based on the chart I’m using, it’s like ~167 hours] before my study abroad is over. I have a 1,000,000 daimoku chart that I got from Heather, and initially I wanted to try to complete 1,000,000 daimoku during my study abroad, but realistically speaking, I’ve never completed any of the [1,000,000] daimoku charts I’ve started. So, instead I’ve decided that I’m going to do half now, and half second semester.
I’ve also determined that the second to the last night of my study abroad here, I’m going to chant 10 hours. Why? My program ends two days before my actual departure day, so I have to leave the apartment and get a hotel or hostel to stay in for 2 days. So, why not just use one day of that time to do a 10-hour daimoku toso since I have the time and place to be loud and vivacious. So, if you want to domei, awesome. Let’s have a worldwide toso. Whoa, that’d be sweet [good call, Angela]. I’ll send out an email when the date gets closer…
Yes, this past week alone has taught me a lot about my mental subconscious state, and how much it affects my physical well-being. Having the worst cases of hives this week to the point where my face was so swollen that I could only half-open my eyes was enough to show me that although I may be consciously calm, subconsciously my emotions are everywhere, and that stressed me out physically. I was searching, waiting for something, and it finally dawned on me.
Stability. Solidarity. Synchrony.
To be consistent and in rhythm, one with myself and the universe. There’s just no other way to be me, except the me I see right now in the mirror before me. I can never forget that.
This week has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I had many negative encounters with people I didn’t even know, a wave of confusion and misunderstanding in classes, and being physically ill. Some days I just thought this would be my last week here before I got defeated by my fundamental darkness and the environment around me, so defeated that I wouldn’t be able to continue my study abroad here. But, somehow, with a lot of support, I was able to get through it.
From this moment on, it’s only going to get harder, but I think keeping in mind that I need to continue advancing will help me move on, and not get so stuck on the little things. I have a greater purpose now. I will reach 500,000 daimoku before study abroad is over, and I will complete my 10-hour toso. Michael Sasaki told all the YPG and March 22 meeting members to, “Make everything a faith-based activity.”
It starts with faith. If we strengthen our faith and do our best, everything will fall into place. There’s no doubt it will.
Just need to do my best. At this point right now I have to watch 4 movies and read about 150-some pages of material for this coming week. It’s insane. I watched 1 out of the 4 movies today, spending 20 pesos ($6-7) for a ticket. It was…a very boring movie. I can’t believe I spent money on it, but it’s for class so I’m sure it has some pertinence to something we’re learning… I hope…
But, again. I won’t be defeated. No more looking back at the past, and looking to home and SUA for answers. The answers are here…in my head.
Vacation is definitely over, around me, in my mind, in my body. It’s time to get to work.
“Stop and stare // I think I’m moving but I go nowhere // Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared // But I’ve become what I can't be, ohhh // Stop and stare // You start to wonder why you’re here, not there // And you’d give anything to get what’s fair // But fair ain’t what you really need // Oh, can you see what I see” – “Stop and Stare” by OneRepublic
End – Week 6: Vacation is Over
Showing posts with label Week 06: Vacation is Over. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Week 06: Vacation is Over. Show all posts
Day 41: From Culture Shock to Cultural Bang
The city of Buenos Aires held a 100 years celebration of Okinawa. I’m not too sure what exactly the 100 years part was, but I got to see something exciting!
I swear, I’d never seen this many people out meandering the streets of Buenos Aires. This celebration was a big deal. I’ve wanted to see some kind of parade since I’ve been here, and this opportunity absolutely came out of nowhere. I had just read an email from Mario about an Okinawan festival in Plaza de Mayo [3 train stops down from me], but I thought it’d just be another look-around-at-pretty-things. Not some huge extravaganza FESTIVAL.
It was fun though. There were people from everywhere. I don’t know what exactly it was, but there were Okinawans from places like Peru, Hawaii, L.A, China, Brazil, Mexico, Malaysia, etc. Oh, and from Okinawa, duh. It was so lively. They had really traditional performances like Okinawan drums, and TAIKO. It was fun! Afterwards, they switched gears and had a live tango show. It was so good.
Erika has established that people who aren’t on TV sing much better than those that do get one TV…mainly speaking about Latin American Idol, which have probably the most mediocre-and-below singers…
ANYWAY, Erika and I were trippin’ out when we saw L.A. and Hawaii specifically because we thought we would know someone. XD But, we missed them after the parade, so we could never know, unless we go back and start asking everyone person we know if they went to Argentina.
One thing I was disappointed about was there was no food. I was starving. XD But, I’m glad there are vendors outside who make caramelized nuts on the streets. I had my first pack of caramelized almonds, and they were bomb. SOOOOO GOOD. Perfect snack.
But, the festival was awesome enough that I could just forget about that. One day, I will visit Okinawa.
So, afterwards, Erika and I sought at Calle Florida which is said to be one of the most touristy and inexpensive shopping area in Buenos Aires. While looking for this street, we drew out what I would like to call the ping pong effect. We went one way, and back again, and then back once more to find it. It’s okay, it was good exercise.
And, it was no joke, this place was really cheap.
It was more amusing than at the Recoleta feria. Calle Florida is a pedestrian street so there were many, many types of vendors just on streets trying to sell stuff. There were many people who were making money being statues, selling paintings and magnets, playing harps and guitars, and stuff like that. There was this one guy who painted his paintings with his foot. His paintings were amazingly detailed and beautiful.
We ventured the entire street and made it out the other end which led us to Retiro. I had to buy a phone card for my phone. If you ever come to Buenos Aires, don’t get a Movistar phone, a lot of kiosks don’t sell Movistar phone cards so to save yourself some time, go with Personal or a different carrier.
But yea, today was very…culturally striking. I’ve realized I need to reach out more to the Argentine culture though. Maybe next week… XD
I swear, I’d never seen this many people out meandering the streets of Buenos Aires. This celebration was a big deal. I’ve wanted to see some kind of parade since I’ve been here, and this opportunity absolutely came out of nowhere. I had just read an email from Mario about an Okinawan festival in Plaza de Mayo [3 train stops down from me], but I thought it’d just be another look-around-at-pretty-things. Not some huge extravaganza FESTIVAL.
It was fun though. There were people from everywhere. I don’t know what exactly it was, but there were Okinawans from places like Peru, Hawaii, L.A, China, Brazil, Mexico, Malaysia, etc. Oh, and from Okinawa, duh. It was so lively. They had really traditional performances like Okinawan drums, and TAIKO. It was fun! Afterwards, they switched gears and had a live tango show. It was so good.
Erika has established that people who aren’t on TV sing much better than those that do get one TV…mainly speaking about Latin American Idol, which have probably the most mediocre-and-below singers…
ANYWAY, Erika and I were trippin’ out when we saw L.A. and Hawaii specifically because we thought we would know someone. XD But, we missed them after the parade, so we could never know, unless we go back and start asking everyone person we know if they went to Argentina.
One thing I was disappointed about was there was no food. I was starving. XD But, I’m glad there are vendors outside who make caramelized nuts on the streets. I had my first pack of caramelized almonds, and they were bomb. SOOOOO GOOD. Perfect snack.
But, the festival was awesome enough that I could just forget about that. One day, I will visit Okinawa.
So, afterwards, Erika and I sought at Calle Florida which is said to be one of the most touristy and inexpensive shopping area in Buenos Aires. While looking for this street, we drew out what I would like to call the ping pong effect. We went one way, and back again, and then back once more to find it. It’s okay, it was good exercise.
And, it was no joke, this place was really cheap.
It was more amusing than at the Recoleta feria. Calle Florida is a pedestrian street so there were many, many types of vendors just on streets trying to sell stuff. There were many people who were making money being statues, selling paintings and magnets, playing harps and guitars, and stuff like that. There was this one guy who painted his paintings with his foot. His paintings were amazingly detailed and beautiful.
We ventured the entire street and made it out the other end which led us to Retiro. I had to buy a phone card for my phone. If you ever come to Buenos Aires, don’t get a Movistar phone, a lot of kiosks don’t sell Movistar phone cards so to save yourself some time, go with Personal or a different carrier.
But yea, today was very…culturally striking. I’ve realized I need to reach out more to the Argentine culture though. Maybe next week… XD
Day 40: Sudden Strike of Culture Shock
It’s been 40 days…and I am now realizing how much of a culture shock I’m having right now. I guess I just have a really delayed reaction compared to other people.
Anyway, I’m very frustrated, and I finally see just how fortunate I am to be living in the U.S. Why do I feel and say this now? Yesterday, I had a slight incident in one my classes yesterday. I walked into the classroom and took a seat. The guy behind me starts laughing and says, whoa, there’s a China in here. Chino/China is what they call Asians in general, and it’s supposed to not be derogatory…
Now, I KNOW they told me that if I do get called this, they mean it in no offense, but me, coming from the background that I do [getting bullied and getting called Chinese all throughout grade school], I completely took offense. How could I not. It’s one thing to call someone “yellow,” I’d much prefer that because it includes all Asians, but to be called Chinese was so something that I was getting tired of.
Maybe I just want some political correctness to justify my side of the story, but I was really pissed. I’m still pissed. It might’ve been the fact that he was laughing about it, too, that made me mad, but regardless, I’ve realized that global education isn’t enough. To educate people about the world and to have them actually understand the world are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
I’ve determined not to lose here. But, this incident opened up a deep wound and dumped a whole shit load of salt on it. This is what culture shock is to me… It’s testing me. I know it is.
It made me remember my reason for coming to Buenos Aires in the first place. I’m here to study film. I’m beginning to see just how much I want to go into the film industry, how much I’m willing to deal with in order to reach this goal, how much I need to struggle to realize this dream.
On a much, much lighter note, I was able to buy GUM! Almost everyone knows that I’m a gum addict, a chain-chew gum, take a nap with gum in my mouth, etc.etc. So, when I first came here, all I could find was the local gum called Beldent [which was like mirror of Trident], cept it only came with five pieces of gum, and literally one piece was half the size of a regular Orbitz gum piece. So, it last like 5 minutes before I was just rubber that left a bad taste in your mouth and the entire pack was gone in 30 minutes.
But, I went to the grocery store today and bought chicken salad and a jumbo back of Wrigley’s gum that I didn’t know existed till today. I was able to satiate my craving for gum and vegetables. It’s interesting. I don’t recall eating much salad back at Soka, but for some reason, all I’ve been wanting since I’ve come here is salad. Curious.
Oh, and when I was lunching in my room, I turned the TV on and McCain was giving a speech, introducing his Vice-President?! A woman?! No doubt, this has to be a campaign move to gain more votes.
Yea…
So, yes. I’m going through the angry/frustrated stage of being homesick. Hopefully, I’ll get over it…soon. Well, I have a busy weekend, so I guess it’s almost guaranteed.
P.S, I’m thankful for every encouraging and inspiring conversation I’ve had with everyone. They’ve helped me get through so far. Note to all: bring your source of inspiration/encouragement [I miss reading English books]. There’s no doubt you’ll need it.
Anyway, I’m very frustrated, and I finally see just how fortunate I am to be living in the U.S. Why do I feel and say this now? Yesterday, I had a slight incident in one my classes yesterday. I walked into the classroom and took a seat. The guy behind me starts laughing and says, whoa, there’s a China in here. Chino/China is what they call Asians in general, and it’s supposed to not be derogatory…
Now, I KNOW they told me that if I do get called this, they mean it in no offense, but me, coming from the background that I do [getting bullied and getting called Chinese all throughout grade school], I completely took offense. How could I not. It’s one thing to call someone “yellow,” I’d much prefer that because it includes all Asians, but to be called Chinese was so something that I was getting tired of.
Maybe I just want some political correctness to justify my side of the story, but I was really pissed. I’m still pissed. It might’ve been the fact that he was laughing about it, too, that made me mad, but regardless, I’ve realized that global education isn’t enough. To educate people about the world and to have them actually understand the world are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
I’ve determined not to lose here. But, this incident opened up a deep wound and dumped a whole shit load of salt on it. This is what culture shock is to me… It’s testing me. I know it is.
It made me remember my reason for coming to Buenos Aires in the first place. I’m here to study film. I’m beginning to see just how much I want to go into the film industry, how much I’m willing to deal with in order to reach this goal, how much I need to struggle to realize this dream.
On a much, much lighter note, I was able to buy GUM! Almost everyone knows that I’m a gum addict, a chain-chew gum, take a nap with gum in my mouth, etc.etc. So, when I first came here, all I could find was the local gum called Beldent [which was like mirror of Trident], cept it only came with five pieces of gum, and literally one piece was half the size of a regular Orbitz gum piece. So, it last like 5 minutes before I was just rubber that left a bad taste in your mouth and the entire pack was gone in 30 minutes.
But, I went to the grocery store today and bought chicken salad and a jumbo back of Wrigley’s gum that I didn’t know existed till today. I was able to satiate my craving for gum and vegetables. It’s interesting. I don’t recall eating much salad back at Soka, but for some reason, all I’ve been wanting since I’ve come here is salad. Curious.
Oh, and when I was lunching in my room, I turned the TV on and McCain was giving a speech, introducing his Vice-President?! A woman?! No doubt, this has to be a campaign move to gain more votes.
Yea…
So, yes. I’m going through the angry/frustrated stage of being homesick. Hopefully, I’ll get over it…soon. Well, I have a busy weekend, so I guess it’s almost guaranteed.
P.S, I’m thankful for every encouraging and inspiring conversation I’ve had with everyone. They’ve helped me get through so far. Note to all: bring your source of inspiration/encouragement [I miss reading English books]. There’s no doubt you’ll need it.
Day 39: Sleeeeeeeeep
I woke up early today. In fact I woke up before the alarm clock twice today. Very curious. I wasn’t sure what woke me up, but you know that feeling that you overslept and all you’re thinking about is getting all your things together, dumping an excessive amount of mouthwash into your mouth and running like your ass is on fire. Yea, woke up like that twice, except I stared at the clock blankly wondering why I woke up at 4:00 and then again at 5:15.
I actually had time to make myself breakfast and take my time this morning… but thanks to the subway, being the way it is sometimes, it stopped at 9 de Julio [one stop before where I was supposed to get off] for a few minutes longer than usual to allow people who were running late to get on.
Well it’s okay. It’s Argentine culture to be late anyway…
I got to lit class…and fell asleep. Great, right? Yet, I still have a page of notes in my notebook, which still amazes me. I can multitask in my sleep… Wtf. Well, after class my friends and I stopped by McDonald’s to help us wake up. The McDonald’s here are not like the ones in the U.S. It’s like an actual café. I had cheese biscuits, 2 for 3,50 pesos which is equivalent to more or less a $1.25. It was good.
So, I brought my laptop with me today because we had to present a pictures/song/video representing New York for my second class today. It’s funny. Someone else brought their laptop also, but for some reason, everyone asked me to use my laptop to play their music or to find their pics on the net. The professor at one point told me I should charge them rental.
Ahh, I miss working. Poo. Too bad we can’t get jobs here. I miss it tanto mucho.
Speaking of rental…I forgot to return the DVDs I rented from Blockbusters. We’ll see how the late policy works here. X_x. Well, at least I was able to watch the movies again. They were good. I love them. It’s refreshing to watch light-hearted American movies.
I should really watch them in Castellano.
I had a third class today, too, but let’s just say that’s a forbidden topic to talk about at this point in time. All I can say is that almost everyone in there is a 3rd year [senior] and they were talking about writing theses in there. I was slightly aghast… “slightly” being a HUGE understatement. I’m just glad people in there are nice enough to talk to foreigners like me especially since I’m the only exchange student from my program in the class, because I intended to talk to the professor after class, but she zoomed out before anyone left. Felt like I was left out in the cold.
Which reminds me. It was really cold today. The weather here changes just as drastically as it does in Aliso Viejo. I thought I was going to freeze to death. I had to stop by a few kiosks on the way back to the subway just to warm myself up again.
Well [back to the topic of classes], I feel I can work with the load I’m working with right now. It’s a lot of work, but I have a lot of time. I’m not stressing about it anymore…or at least I’m not consciously stressing about it. I’m learning a lot and it’s a lot more interesting, too. Maybe it’s just because it relates to film that I’m more hyped to learn about it. I dunno…
I’m tired. I can’t write anymore. So, go read something else like this: Hikikomori
On a random side-note, it’s official, my sister is applying to SUA. W00t w0t.
I actually had time to make myself breakfast and take my time this morning… but thanks to the subway, being the way it is sometimes, it stopped at 9 de Julio [one stop before where I was supposed to get off] for a few minutes longer than usual to allow people who were running late to get on.
Well it’s okay. It’s Argentine culture to be late anyway…
I got to lit class…and fell asleep. Great, right? Yet, I still have a page of notes in my notebook, which still amazes me. I can multitask in my sleep… Wtf. Well, after class my friends and I stopped by McDonald’s to help us wake up. The McDonald’s here are not like the ones in the U.S. It’s like an actual café. I had cheese biscuits, 2 for 3,50 pesos which is equivalent to more or less a $1.25. It was good.
So, I brought my laptop with me today because we had to present a pictures/song/video representing New York for my second class today. It’s funny. Someone else brought their laptop also, but for some reason, everyone asked me to use my laptop to play their music or to find their pics on the net. The professor at one point told me I should charge them rental.
Ahh, I miss working. Poo. Too bad we can’t get jobs here. I miss it tanto mucho.
Speaking of rental…I forgot to return the DVDs I rented from Blockbusters. We’ll see how the late policy works here. X_x. Well, at least I was able to watch the movies again. They were good. I love them. It’s refreshing to watch light-hearted American movies.
I should really watch them in Castellano.
I had a third class today, too, but let’s just say that’s a forbidden topic to talk about at this point in time. All I can say is that almost everyone in there is a 3rd year [senior] and they were talking about writing theses in there. I was slightly aghast… “slightly” being a HUGE understatement. I’m just glad people in there are nice enough to talk to foreigners like me especially since I’m the only exchange student from my program in the class, because I intended to talk to the professor after class, but she zoomed out before anyone left. Felt like I was left out in the cold.
Which reminds me. It was really cold today. The weather here changes just as drastically as it does in Aliso Viejo. I thought I was going to freeze to death. I had to stop by a few kiosks on the way back to the subway just to warm myself up again.
Well [back to the topic of classes], I feel I can work with the load I’m working with right now. It’s a lot of work, but I have a lot of time. I’m not stressing about it anymore…or at least I’m not consciously stressing about it. I’m learning a lot and it’s a lot more interesting, too. Maybe it’s just because it relates to film that I’m more hyped to learn about it. I dunno…
I’m tired. I can’t write anymore. So, go read something else like this: Hikikomori
On a random side-note, it’s official, my sister is applying to SUA. W00t w0t.
Day 38: Perfectly Imperfect
You know, on days when your hair gels to absolute perfection, the way you want it, you feel that you’ve conquered all quarters of the world and that nothing in the world could possibly defeat you. Nothing could possibly ruin your day, nothing.
Mmhmm… Wish it were nothing.
I swear it was like a hurricane today. The wind was so strong, there were many, many, many broken umbrellas just rolling down the street side like tumbleweeds on a rainy day. So, needless to say, my flawless hairstyle went down the drain, along with my patience. I had a serious battle with my umbrella. I thought the top would just fly away, and just when I finally thought I got control of the damn bugger, a sudden gust of wind blows and I get slapped in the face with the stick of the umbrella. Ugh.
Umbrellas in the city are annoying. The sidewalks are too narrow and there’s too many people so the umbrellas get caught into each other, or you get slapped in the face with one. It’s quite “pleasant.”
At least I wasn’t the only one fighting. One of the things I was able to witness for the first time with my own eyes is someone’s umbrella go inside-out and then fly out of their hand [they had the strap around their wrist so it didn’t kill anyone, I promise]. Hahah. Yea, that was funny.
Which reminds me. In lit, we learned where the word “protagonist” comes from. “-agon” means to fight, and “pro-” connotes advancement. So, if we were to call ourselves the protagonists of the stories of our lives, we are people fighting to advance. Isn’t that interesting? Anyway, this was in Panorama de Literatura.
I think it’s impossible for some people to talk slower… it just can’t be done… For lit we had to work in groups of 3… But, my group consisted of 2, the other guy being new to the class. So, it was interesting: a person who could barely explain anything clearly and a person who didn’t know anything about what was going on because he had missed the last class. We made it through though. Yay, I guess?
…
Still shocked just how much I could not understand him.
Afterwards, I went to the café and tried to catch up with my reading for my next class. It was actually an interesting reading, far more interesting than what I would ever read in English [maybe it was because it was about film]. It was about interrelationship between film and philosophy. Very interesting.
There’s no doubt everyone in the film track, myself included, enrolled into the film track, thinking the world of cinema is in a totally different realm than that of anything we’ve yet to see. But in reality, film is very much close to home, interrelating different aspects of science, math, history, language, or in terms of SUA, humanities, social & behavioral sciences, and international studies. Cinema is much grander than just a means of expression and much more in touch with humanity that we’ve somehow lost in the other disciplines.
I came here thinking I’d be taking solely film classes (though I didn’t know what it would be like). After classes started, I was somehow disappointed when all the classes I signed up for were philosophically-driven and devoid of anything film-related. Then, I realized. The basic foundation of film starts with understanding the fundamentals of other disciplines, especially in the humanities [something I’ve been studying during my SUA career]. Who would’ve thought that liberal arts would actually help me with my future in film?
Philosophy is much easier to understand in Spanish for some reason. I don’t know why.
I found out today that I’m probably one of the few students in the program to be in the Butler program and having the grades counted toward their GPAs. It’s absolutely frustrating and stressful to know that how I do here is going to affect my GPA. It’s a big worry, because I really don’t know just how well I’ll do. It’s hard to predict.
Which also reminds me. My schedule changed AGAIN. The academic system is really starting to piss me off. It’s the same class that changed last time, too, which adds more to the fire. Luckily, for me, it didn’t conflict my other classes, as some of my other program mates had major problems to work out. So, goodbye 4-day weekend, hello 3-day weekend. I’m actually kind of glad I have some obligation on Mondays, since that’s when the maid comes.
Anyway… Argh. I want to scream.
Forced 8]
P.S., you know the Day count in the title of my posts and the Week labels at the bottom? I don’t pay attention to those… and when I hear today that we’ve been here for a over a month, I FREAKED. Shit. So fast, yet so slow.
Mmhmm… Wish it were nothing.
I swear it was like a hurricane today. The wind was so strong, there were many, many, many broken umbrellas just rolling down the street side like tumbleweeds on a rainy day. So, needless to say, my flawless hairstyle went down the drain, along with my patience. I had a serious battle with my umbrella. I thought the top would just fly away, and just when I finally thought I got control of the damn bugger, a sudden gust of wind blows and I get slapped in the face with the stick of the umbrella. Ugh.
Umbrellas in the city are annoying. The sidewalks are too narrow and there’s too many people so the umbrellas get caught into each other, or you get slapped in the face with one. It’s quite “pleasant.”
At least I wasn’t the only one fighting. One of the things I was able to witness for the first time with my own eyes is someone’s umbrella go inside-out and then fly out of their hand [they had the strap around their wrist so it didn’t kill anyone, I promise]. Hahah. Yea, that was funny.
Which reminds me. In lit, we learned where the word “protagonist” comes from. “-agon” means to fight, and “pro-” connotes advancement. So, if we were to call ourselves the protagonists of the stories of our lives, we are people fighting to advance. Isn’t that interesting? Anyway, this was in Panorama de Literatura.
I think it’s impossible for some people to talk slower… it just can’t be done… For lit we had to work in groups of 3… But, my group consisted of 2, the other guy being new to the class. So, it was interesting: a person who could barely explain anything clearly and a person who didn’t know anything about what was going on because he had missed the last class. We made it through though. Yay, I guess?
…
Still shocked just how much I could not understand him.
Afterwards, I went to the café and tried to catch up with my reading for my next class. It was actually an interesting reading, far more interesting than what I would ever read in English [maybe it was because it was about film]. It was about interrelationship between film and philosophy. Very interesting.
There’s no doubt everyone in the film track, myself included, enrolled into the film track, thinking the world of cinema is in a totally different realm than that of anything we’ve yet to see. But in reality, film is very much close to home, interrelating different aspects of science, math, history, language, or in terms of SUA, humanities, social & behavioral sciences, and international studies. Cinema is much grander than just a means of expression and much more in touch with humanity that we’ve somehow lost in the other disciplines.
I came here thinking I’d be taking solely film classes (though I didn’t know what it would be like). After classes started, I was somehow disappointed when all the classes I signed up for were philosophically-driven and devoid of anything film-related. Then, I realized. The basic foundation of film starts with understanding the fundamentals of other disciplines, especially in the humanities [something I’ve been studying during my SUA career]. Who would’ve thought that liberal arts would actually help me with my future in film?
Philosophy is much easier to understand in Spanish for some reason. I don’t know why.
I found out today that I’m probably one of the few students in the program to be in the Butler program and having the grades counted toward their GPAs. It’s absolutely frustrating and stressful to know that how I do here is going to affect my GPA. It’s a big worry, because I really don’t know just how well I’ll do. It’s hard to predict.
Which also reminds me. My schedule changed AGAIN. The academic system is really starting to piss me off. It’s the same class that changed last time, too, which adds more to the fire. Luckily, for me, it didn’t conflict my other classes, as some of my other program mates had major problems to work out. So, goodbye 4-day weekend, hello 3-day weekend. I’m actually kind of glad I have some obligation on Mondays, since that’s when the maid comes.
Anyway… Argh. I want to scream.
Forced 8]
P.S., you know the Day count in the title of my posts and the Week labels at the bottom? I don’t pay attention to those… and when I hear today that we’ve been here for a over a month, I FREAKED. Shit. So fast, yet so slow.
Day 37: Sanshoshima Never Sleeps…
Mmk. So, the returning of my bad stress rash on my legs should’ve been a clue that I was beginning to stress myself out again. The returning of bad acne should’ve also been a clue that I was beginning to stress myself out again.
Obviously, I DIDN’T GET THE HINTS.
So, my body is screaming at me, full-on. Hives attack #2, full throttle. During my 10am class this morning, I suddenly felt my left eye become slightly puffy, and by the end of class, I could only open it half-way. When I rolled up the sleeves of my sweater, my arms were completely welted and swollen. Since it was covered, I didn’t rush to get home [I just put my sunglasses on and it was fine].
I stopped by Blockbusters, and registered for membership. I rented The Bucket List and Little Miss Sunshine. I can’t believe I hadn’t seen either of these movies earlier.
Anyway, when I got to my room, my torso started to burn slightly, so peered at my back with a mirror, and it was completed welted also, just as my arms. I thought I had a fever for a while, because my face started to burn as well. My face blew up like a balloon. I didn’t know what to do because I had class; I had a 3-hour time span to try to fix this. So, I popped some Sudafed into my system [since I forgot to bring my usual Claritin for Hives] which got me really drowsy and took a nap, with a cold, wet towel on my face.
When I woke up, it wasn’t much better, though it wasn’t as hot as it initially was. I decided to chant, something I hadn’t done since…2 weeks ago. I didn’t want to go to class looking like this, because I didn’t want to get asked what happened, as I wouldn’t know how to reply in Spanish. I did what I could…and left with still a slightly puffy face.
Well, needless to say, I survived class without any comments, and when I got back to my room, and looked at how I looked in the mirror, the welts were gone and my acne, too. I swear I thought I saw someone else in the mirror at first.
Yes, I’ve been so stressed, I’ve been popping a million capillaries in my face and it took a serious case of hives to wash out all the bad blood and bacteria from my skin.
Agh. You know, it’s amazing what a few words from your parents can do for you. I called both of them today, and I’m glad I did. I was really encouraged, and I was finally able to pinpoint why I’ve been feeling so down emotionally and why my health has been shit since I got back from Mendoza. It’s true, I’m stressed.
But, being stressed elsewhere in the world is stress on a totally different level.
I have more to tell, but I just took another Sudafed few minutes ago…
So, I’m gonna KO.
Obviously, I DIDN’T GET THE HINTS.
So, my body is screaming at me, full-on. Hives attack #2, full throttle. During my 10am class this morning, I suddenly felt my left eye become slightly puffy, and by the end of class, I could only open it half-way. When I rolled up the sleeves of my sweater, my arms were completely welted and swollen. Since it was covered, I didn’t rush to get home [I just put my sunglasses on and it was fine].
I stopped by Blockbusters, and registered for membership. I rented The Bucket List and Little Miss Sunshine. I can’t believe I hadn’t seen either of these movies earlier.
Anyway, when I got to my room, my torso started to burn slightly, so peered at my back with a mirror, and it was completed welted also, just as my arms. I thought I had a fever for a while, because my face started to burn as well. My face blew up like a balloon. I didn’t know what to do because I had class; I had a 3-hour time span to try to fix this. So, I popped some Sudafed into my system [since I forgot to bring my usual Claritin for Hives] which got me really drowsy and took a nap, with a cold, wet towel on my face.
When I woke up, it wasn’t much better, though it wasn’t as hot as it initially was. I decided to chant, something I hadn’t done since…2 weeks ago. I didn’t want to go to class looking like this, because I didn’t want to get asked what happened, as I wouldn’t know how to reply in Spanish. I did what I could…and left with still a slightly puffy face.
Well, needless to say, I survived class without any comments, and when I got back to my room, and looked at how I looked in the mirror, the welts were gone and my acne, too. I swear I thought I saw someone else in the mirror at first.
Yes, I’ve been so stressed, I’ve been popping a million capillaries in my face and it took a serious case of hives to wash out all the bad blood and bacteria from my skin.
Agh. You know, it’s amazing what a few words from your parents can do for you. I called both of them today, and I’m glad I did. I was really encouraged, and I was finally able to pinpoint why I’ve been feeling so down emotionally and why my health has been shit since I got back from Mendoza. It’s true, I’m stressed.
But, being stressed elsewhere in the world is stress on a totally different level.
I have more to tell, but I just took another Sudafed few minutes ago…
So, I’m gonna KO.
Day 36: Total Slap in the Face
SUA is going to start without a quarter of 2010 on campus. Just as we are spread around the world fulfilling our requirements for SUA, everyone else is going back to fulfill their end on campus. I came to this realization when I got this academic year’s first SUA Today. It’s hard to believe that life is starting back up again in the Soka bubble.
That, and my vacation is officially over. Trial period for all of my classes have ended and now I have to take all of my classes seriously. School’s in session again and as much as I wanted to start classes, it’s hard for me to muster up the will to actually go to class, for fear that I won’t know what to say if a teacher asks me a question or if I won’t be able to say the right thing.
But, it’s not so easy to run away.
I know I have to study, it’s my priority after all. But, watching 2 movies for class with a friend today, I could only imagine what my professors would ask me about what I thought about the aesthetics of these two movies. Granted I loved the two movies I watched El Abrazo Partido and Nueve Reinas both Argentine movies. Argentine movies are a genre of their own, and I like it. I’m happy to be studying film here but at the same time…
how much longer will I last?
When my friend and I were looking for a place to watch the DVDs, my friend requested that I ask my host mom first whether we can watch it in my room, because her host mom talked shit about Asians and didn’t want me to go through any troubles. I appreciated her consideration, as I think it would’ve made me even more reluctant to get out, but at the same time.
I don’t see why people have problems with each other when it concerns their race. Race doesn’t really say anything about a person. I’ve had this issue growing up as well, being judged for who I am based on how I look. It’s rather annoying, and shallow on the people’s part. In class, people laugh…and I’m not doing the slightest thing to make them laugh. I get asked if I’m Chinese, and I say no, I’m Japanese, and they laugh. All I hear is laughing… That’s just my getting the environment get to me.
I just want to sit inside the bathroom and just sigh. No one will bother me in there.
The world is screaming for attention and I can’t help, but fall prey to it. I feel I’m being rushed, being pressured to do things that I don’t want to, being put into unnecessary situations that can easily be avoided, and it’s all just so frustrating. I’m reaching a breaking point, and I have no piano, no kendo, nothing to release these frustrations.
All I can do is chant. That’s all.
But, dear friends, I’m sorry, but right now, it’s nearly impossible to look ahead. I want to go outside right now. Just sit in the dark on the sidewalk. Waiting for something to happen.
Though I doubt anything will.
That, and my vacation is officially over. Trial period for all of my classes have ended and now I have to take all of my classes seriously. School’s in session again and as much as I wanted to start classes, it’s hard for me to muster up the will to actually go to class, for fear that I won’t know what to say if a teacher asks me a question or if I won’t be able to say the right thing.
But, it’s not so easy to run away.
I know I have to study, it’s my priority after all. But, watching 2 movies for class with a friend today, I could only imagine what my professors would ask me about what I thought about the aesthetics of these two movies. Granted I loved the two movies I watched El Abrazo Partido and Nueve Reinas both Argentine movies. Argentine movies are a genre of their own, and I like it. I’m happy to be studying film here but at the same time…
how much longer will I last?
When my friend and I were looking for a place to watch the DVDs, my friend requested that I ask my host mom first whether we can watch it in my room, because her host mom talked shit about Asians and didn’t want me to go through any troubles. I appreciated her consideration, as I think it would’ve made me even more reluctant to get out, but at the same time.
I don’t see why people have problems with each other when it concerns their race. Race doesn’t really say anything about a person. I’ve had this issue growing up as well, being judged for who I am based on how I look. It’s rather annoying, and shallow on the people’s part. In class, people laugh…and I’m not doing the slightest thing to make them laugh. I get asked if I’m Chinese, and I say no, I’m Japanese, and they laugh. All I hear is laughing… That’s just my getting the environment get to me.
I just want to sit inside the bathroom and just sigh. No one will bother me in there.
The world is screaming for attention and I can’t help, but fall prey to it. I feel I’m being rushed, being pressured to do things that I don’t want to, being put into unnecessary situations that can easily be avoided, and it’s all just so frustrating. I’m reaching a breaking point, and I have no piano, no kendo, nothing to release these frustrations.
All I can do is chant. That’s all.
But, dear friends, I’m sorry, but right now, it’s nearly impossible to look ahead. I want to go outside right now. Just sit in the dark on the sidewalk. Waiting for something to happen.
Though I doubt anything will.
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