Day 21: Letter to My Twin Soka Brothers and Sisters [1/5]

Dear 2010 Study Abroaders to Be,

Exactly 2 years ago, 2010ers from all over the world swarmed across the SUA campus for orientation. 2 years ago, we were only freshmen who had yet to experience what life at SUA was like. 2 years ago, 2010 Dynasty came to be. I love you guys.

I’ve decided every 10th day of the month, I will write a blog with some helpful tips for your coming study abroad experience. Stuff that I wish I had known when I came here. I was just going to write one at the end, but then I realized I don’t have a memory capacity that will remember everything till the end. Readers’ discretion: This is just solely based on my experience and experiences of other people in my program in Buenos Aires.

The Things They Don’t Tell You At Orientation [or maybe they do]:

• One bag is sufficient to live out of, but two might be better. It’s better to under-pack two bags than to bring one bag.


• Vacuum-seal bags help fit more in luggage, but it can also add more weight because there’s more space to put more stuff in.


• If you went to the FNCC and got one of those pouches for your name tags, it’s a great money holder that you can hide under your shirt. Money belts are great also. Or wristbands that you can slide bills under. Or your sock, pretend your tying your shoe laces when you need the money.


• Don’t exchange all of your dollars at the airport. Some places give you less than the exchange rate. There are other exchange offices to check out.


• Check the weather conditions so you can pack accordingly. You don’t want to bring just t-shirts and a light jacket when it’s going to get down to 30ºF.


• Buy a map and guide. It’ll help you find things to do, as well as help you get accustomed to some of the street names, especially if you know where you’ll be living.


• Keep a journal. It’ll keep you sane for the first few weeks that you’re here.


• Practice speaking. You can learn all the grammar and vocabulary you want, but in the end, you need to be able to speak to communicate. Read a book aloud, or just have a conversation with someone that knows the language daily.


• Keep track of your money. How much you spend, how much you withdraw, how much is in your wallet, how much is in your bank. It’s slightly hard to know realistically how much you’re spending because it’s a different currency.


• Ask the locals where the best affordable places to eat/drink/hang out are. The guide books only tell you the best, regardless of price. The locals always know best.


• Avoid English whenever you can. People will come up to you knowing you know English and they’ll try to practice with you. It’s hard, but it’s the only way you can improve your language skills.


• Call a radio taxi. I dunno if this only pertains to Buenos Aires, but never hail a taxi off the streets. It’s safer to call for one.


• Get your host family a small gift that you can give them when you arrive. You’ll be staying for 5 months. It’d be nice to come bearing gifts.


• Don’t forget to pack an umbrella, Q-tips, and hand sanitizer.


• Check expiration dates. Very…important.


• Take a couple of locks and keys with you. You can store anything important like emergency money and anything valuable in your suitcase and lock it so that no one will steal anything.


• Be careful where you take your camera out. People are always looking to steal them.


• Some restaurants charge for the use of utensils and bread service. This will be listed as “cubierto” on your bill.


• Don’t leave your stuff when you leave to go the bathroom. Bush’s daughter when she came to visit Buenos Aires got robbed like that.


• Bring a laundry bag to put all your dirty clothes in, so when you need to do your laundry, you can just lug that to the washers/driers.


• Save your coins. If you plan on using public transportation, that’s usually all you can use.


• Pre-paid cell phones are cheap, both in price and in quality. You’re only there temporarily so there’s really no need to get a fancy expensive one. Just one that calls out, receives calls, and has texting. People in my program have already lost or gotten theirs stolen.


• Don’t be afraid to open up and reach out. My assistant program director told me that he’s seen many different types of people from different schools, but Soka always managed to have very friendly and open people. That’s saying something. So, be not afraid of not being able to clearly communicate. Those who want to hear you out will understand you.

That’s all I can think of at the moment. Well, if I forgot anything, it’ll be in next month’s Letter to My Twin Soka Brothers And Sisters. I downloaded a new song. It took almost 15 minutes to download, what with the internet connection fazing in and out. But, it was worth it. Here’s the message that it came with from the lead vocal of the band. I can’t believe week 3 is over, and week 4 is starting. A new adventure waits beyond the horizon.


GIFT. Sakurai's message: I wonder... “Which might be the most beautiful color? Which might be the most shining color?” This song starts with these words. Needless to say, at the Olympic Games, what is shining the most beautifully is the “gold medal.” However, I think that other than the radiance called “gold / silver / bronze,” which only the winners are awarded with, there exists, more importantly, a radiance which has more value. I believe that among the people who couldn't gain a victory, and among the people who give their best in their everyday lives where there’s usually no victory or defeat, each one possesses a radiance that does not lose to any medal. If this song can become a help for everyone to discover the radiance that lies within them there could be no greater joy for me. – translated by Mr_Children on Jpopmusic.com

Chiheisen no saki ni tadoritsuite mo / Atarashii chiheisen ga hirogaru dake / “Mou yame ni shiyou ka?” / Jibun no mune ni kiku to / “Mada aruki tsuzuketai” to henji ga kikoeta yo / ... / Ichiban kirei na iro tte nan darou? / Ichiban hikatteru mono tte nan darou? / Boku wa dakishimeru / Kimi ga kureta GIFT wo / Itsumademo mune no oku de / Hora hikatterun dayo / Hikari tsuzuken dayo

“Even if we arrive at the edge of the horizon / A new horizon stretches on from there / I ask my heart / ‘Ready to call it quits?’ / And I heard it say back / That it wants to keep on going / … / What is the most beautiful color? / What is that which shines brightest? / I keep the gift you gave me, always, deep in my heart / See, how it shines now / It can still shine on” – “Gift” by Mr. Children, translated by Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma

End – Week 3: Holding Onto Sanity

Day 20: The Ping in Your Head that Helps You Realize Just How Fortunate You Are

It’s interesting. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been pretty fortunate to not have any unfortunate mishaps [yes, even though it’s been 20 days]. Let’s hope that stays that way… I’ve been talking to other people in my program and they’ve had problems like the kids in their host family were going through all of their things, or being hit on by their maid’s nephew, or getting their cameras almost stolen on the streets while taking a photo, or anything of that sort.

I met up a with a friend today and she was telling me how she was invited to her maid’s house last night, and when she went, she saw a person about 10 feet away from her get shot in the leg. Apparently, two people were having some kind of heated argument and it ended with gunshots. No one died, as far as my friend knew. She told me she was glad that she didn’t know completely what was going on, or she would’ve been so traumatized from it. She was so flustered she was talking to me in English [she’s one of my friends that usually only speaks to me in Castellano].

This happened only a 20-minute bus ride south from where I live. She told me that there was a huge difference between where we are living and where she went last night. To just give a rundown of where I live, I live in a high-class, high-end barrio. One block down is the street where the most expensive shops are in Buenos Aires with all the imported brand names like Ralph Lauren [and I can’t remember the others. I don’t go down that street for obvious reasons]. All the people around this area are in business suits or really expensive looking outfits, holding a brief case or walking their border collies or poodles.

The place where my friend went to was, as she described it, a “shanty town.” The house she stayed at had rooms that looked like prison cubicles and there was no heating, hot water, or flushable toilets. She said she had only slept an hour and then just stayed up the entire night after that, hearing the loud noises of the discoteca across the street and the sounds of gunshots. Only 20 minutes away from where we live.

It makes me wonder why it’s common to find some of the less fortunate near one of the wealthiest areas. Is it just wishful thinking among the less fortunate, or is it an ego boost among the wealthy? I don’t know. My friend told me that wasn’t a danger zone that was listed on a paper that our program gave us. I could only imagine what the danger zone, that are listed are like. But, it just goes to show regardless of if something is listed as danger or not, it’s important to be alert anywhere we go.

I’m very glad I’ve been placed in this area. It makes me feel much safer than I had initially thought and there’s a lot more to do than I had thought. The best empanadas are across the street. The one of the biggest ferias is 3 blocks down. The most harassment I get any day is from the homeless who just ask for money.

I’ve definitely taken for granted a lot of Argentine things, and I’m glad I’m able to see that now, while it’s still at the beginning of my journey here. I’m grateful to be able to study in another country in a field that I can’t study in back at Soka. I’m grateful to live in a very safe environment where the nearest laundry place is a block and half away and the nicest affordable cafes are within 3 blocks. I’m grateful for the friends that I’ve made here who trust me enough to open up to me with how they’re feeling. I’m grateful to be in an environment where [most] people are warm and open, and have character. I’m just so grateful that I am here.

Appreciation / 感謝 / Agradecimiento

To Argentina, the land of beautiful people and delicious food. ¡Salud!

Day 19: 08.08.08

Today’s my host mom’s birthday, and I didn’t find out till 7:00pm… She’s 48 today.

I got soooo sick earlier this morning…around 4-ish. There was a war in my stomach. I rolled out of bed and laid there for a while before I crawled into the bathroom. I was thinking of all the possibilities of what got me so sick. And then, I had orange juice this morning…or rather attempted. The difference between me today and me yesterday is that I couldn’t smell or taste anything yesterday. Today I can. So when I tried to have a glass of orange juice today, it was bad…really bad. It didn’t smell too good. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what got me sick, because yesterday, I guzzled down a whole cup.

I swear I thought I was gonna die… in a house that I’ve only stayed in for a few weeks… in a country that I don’t live in. But, then when I woke up this morning, it was as if nothing happened. I wondered if it actually happened or if it was a very vivid dream. That was my thought of the morning. I was kind of reluctant to get out of bed, afraid that that pain would come back, but my first class in Argentina was today.

I was kind of nervous, because I missed the first day of class for this course, so I didn’t know what to expect or what I had to do for homework for this class. I got to di Tella, and it was swarming with people. It reminded me of high school actually. I guess because SUA is an outdoor school [or at least half of it], attending a school that was solely indoors just gave that high school feel. I guess it would have to depend on where you come from.

So, I knew the classroom number, but I wasn’t sure if it had changed or not. I didn’t have time to ask because I got there right at 14:45, when class was supposed to start. I stood outside of the classroom, pacing around wondering what to do until someone was about to walk into the classroom. I asked her if it was the Arte y Cultura de Modernidad class and she was like yea. I got in and class hadn’t started yet.

The class itself when it started wasn’t all that bad. It’s interesting. How culture refers back to art constantly over time. Art is just a culmination of references to the past. And, even though I like the class, I can’t take it because I would be taking more than the maximum amount of credits allowed for Soka. So, I’m gonna fall back and go to USAL to take Historia de la Cultura instead. Hopefully, I can still take it. X/

I was told that the kids at di Tella are kind of stuck-up because it’s one of the most expensive private colleges in Argentina, and I only thought that it was an exaggeration. But it wasn’t. Some guy from a different exchange program asked a group if he could join their discussion, and they just shrugged him off. And when people walked by, they would sneer at me. I was used to it, so it was okay, but I was kind of disappointed. I heard USAL is much friendlier, so I’m glad I’ll be able to take a course there.

On the way back from class, I ran across a closed-off street and there was Chinese festival [di Tella is near Chinatown]. I was trying to think of all the possibilities of why they had one at this time of year, and then I remembered the Olympics started today! I’m watching it as I write this. So, I walked down the street and looked through all the vendors. The whole setup of it itself reminded me of Chinese New Year with all the lanterns and streamers and stuff. I continued walking and I found an Asian market. I bought a few snacks there. Good stuff. Definitely noted on my map for a second visit.

When I left and walked toward the subway, I ran into another street where there were vendors that had blankets laid out with all of their goods. I’m not one to wear jewelry, but I love the handmade bracelets here. I get so tempted every time I see a vendor selling them. Afterwards I stopped by a local kiosk and bought a chocolate bar that’s pretty popular here. It’s so rich. Definitely one of the best [affordable] chocolate I’ve had. Next to the kiosk was a small used book store. I only stepped in for a second, but there was a whole section for English books. Should’ve brought my books to sell here. XD

I’ve definitely stopped going home as soon as my plans were done. I take the time to stop and look around to see if there’s anything that interests me. Today was fun.

I’m slowly getting used to the way Argentines do things. I just walk across the crosswalk if there aren’t any cars, even if the light hasn’t yielded that it’s okay to go; I don’t just walk anymore, it’s power-walking; I just sit down at a café, rather than wait for someone to sit me down; I know which door to stand by to get off a subway, rather than waiting for the doors to open to see which side I get off; I bought a 10-trip subway card, so I don’t have to wait in line every time I need to get a ticket; and I’m finally able to say a few with a Castellano accent.

I’m breaking away from routine. I get off one stop earlier on the subway so that I can walk the rest of the way and see a different part of the city.

I need to keep myself entertained somehow.

Day 18: Painting a Pretty Little Picture of Life on Rio de la Plata

[…I think I need to start giving myself a word limit on these blogs] XD

I had one of those days where you have nothing to do, but something in you is telling you to just get out. So, I did. I went walking around a few blocks around my street. I stopped by a nearby kiosk to add pesos to my phone [both national and international]. It’s a pretty neat system. You just give them your number, the service, and the amount you want added, and they type it into a computer and voila, a text message saying you’ve added pesos to your phone.

Afterwards, I went to the nearby park near the cemetery and read a book. It’s interesting how much can happen while you’re sitting down on a bench in the park for an hour, reading a book.
1. I was approached by a Red Cross guy who was so into talking about how “ugly” his picture was on his Red Cross badge, more than talking about the hungry children he was trying to get donations for.
2. I was also approached by a girl from a nearby café trying to sell sandwiches around the park. The way some street vendors sell here is interesting. They hand you something, randomly, and then come back to pick it up, or the money if you decide whatever they’re selling. This particular girl didn’t do that, but it reminded me of that. It happens a lot on trains.
3. There was a girl selling ribbon. It looked like she had just cut a roll of ribbon and she was selling it. You can find anything for sale on the streets, I swear. Talk about convenient store.
4. I think it is pigeon mating season. The male pigeons were courting the female pigeons. How do I know? Their hooting is so loud.
5. I saw a cat run by me, and a rush of dogs chasing it. It ran into a hole in a wall, and the dogs were barking at it for a looong time. The dog walker had a hard time getting all the dogs together [there is no leash law that I’m aware of, so there are always dogs running around the park]. I saw a few people trying to help the guy gather all the dogs, clapping at them and shooing them away from the wall. What happened to the cat? It came out shortly after the dogs left as if nothing happened.
6. I swear I saw the same guy walk by a million times.
7. The clouds move by faster than in Florida or California, even when there’s barely any wind. I found this peculiar.
8. I saw two Asian [I’m pretty sure they were Japanese] men walk by, and it still surprises me when I hear them speaking Castellano. I keep forgetting that immigrants and foreigners don’t know English here [or at least I can’t assume that]. They know Castellano instead!

While I was reading, I highlighted all the words I didn’t know and couldn’t understand in context. It reminded me of the remedial reading classes they used to put me in back in grade school. It’s served me well. XD So far, I can only get the gist of the book, but hopefully, when I re-read it towards the end of my journey here, I will understand every detail.

After my hour there, I went back into the city and walked into a café to have lunch. It was the same place that gave me the wrong drink, but I didn’t hold it against them. I remember when I first walked into this place, I thought I wouldn’t be able to afford it because it looked fancy: wine glasses set up on the tables, crisp white table clothes, glass bottles of water sitting on occupied tables, nice food setup, all the customers in suits. But then I realized that’s with almost any café that serves entrees in Buenos Aires.

I sat by the window. I had eaten out by myself only a few times. I didn’t know where to look, so I looked outside. I never realized just how towering the buildings are here. It made me feel small. I’d imagine this is what it’s like to live in any city, channeling through the streets like ants, enclosed within all these buildings. I’ve noticed that it’s much warmer in the city, than in the parks [I think that’s just my lack of science on that one].

Anyway, I’m beginning to see the difference between Argentines and Americans. When I first came here, I couldn’t tell them apart. But after some extensive observation in my 18 days here, I’ve noticed that [generally speaking… I’m not saying everyone is like this]:
- American men have a distinct heavy walk. Feet outward, uses whole body to walk
- Americans are loud. They talk loud. They laugh loud. Loud.
- Argentines dress better. They have style. Period. Even the homeless dress better.
- Argentines know how to use silverware properly [probably cuz they use it regularly, and not only on special occasions like most Americans]

I’ve also noticed that from afar, you can tell if someone is speaking Castellano or English. One clue is in the lips. The lips move one way when someone speaks English, and the lips move another way when one speaks Castellano. Yes, it sounds weird, but I rely on lip-reading sometimes, especially in class when I happen to sit next to someone who can’t shut their mouths. But, I guess, the way things are enunciated are different. Second hint is in the gestures people use. This is no doubt, a no-brainer. I’m going to find a book called Che Boludo that has all the slang and gestures of Buenos Aires so I understand everything that’s going on around me.

Yes, it’s interesting the people you see around you [that’s why I love people-watching]. After lunch, I had to go to an appointment for my visa. I needed to go the central part of the city to the office where they take fingerprints and all that jazz. I got SOO lost. So, it was a pretty straight way from the subway, but because of all the construction and all the people that was there I completely got lost for 45 minutes and I ended up getting there late. But, I didn’t care about getting there on time. “LIFE” by Kimaguren came on when I was looking for the place, and it kind of fit well with my situation. It was funny.

Luckily, when I got there, there was barely a line, only 15 people in front of me [the process was expected to take an hour and a half]. I was out in 20. Fashionably late is good sometimes. I love how, no matter where I go [except Japan] people will always freak out when they realize that my parents’ names are something they can’t just type in without making a mistake. I had to write out everything on a piece of paper for the lady to put into the computer.

Afterwards, I walked around the city a bit. It was very busy, and there were street vendors everywhere. I wanted to buy everything, but I didn’t have any small bills on me. It’s a nice place. Walking around a bit and looking at all the things that were out on the streets, it got me thinking of a project I want to start. No details about it yet, but I think it’ll definitely be something “Rioplatense” [anything native to Rio de la Plata area aka Buenos Aires].

My mind is starting to move in some direction again. Finally.

“To be human in the full sense of the word is to lead a creative life.” – Daisaku Ikeda

Viviendo una vida creativa.

P.S. My internet connection is…less than good, so it hasn’t been sending the emails that I have been sending, but thank you soooooo much for keeping in touch.

Day 17: My Life, the Reality Show I Watch to Discover Me

Do you remember back when internet was just starting out and the biggest name out there was AOL? Those were the days when we used to get those silly chain emails, you know the ones that told you to forward them or else a curse would befall you for 10 years. Or how about those surveys that you would make up half the answers for? There’s one particular survey I remember filling out.

It was titled the Soundtrack of My Life.

Today, I took iPod out with me. It was a very musical day. One thing I like about the iPod is that you can put it on shuffle and get the radio effect, the mystery of what song will play next. Anyway, it reminded me of the Soundtrack of My Life. The minute I turned my iPod on and I walked up the street with my sunglasses on, I felt like newly refreshed self, the Kusho I’ve gotten to know during my two years at Soka, plus something more. I don’t quite know what it was, but everything I had felt about last night about not knowing myself seemed to be lifted.

[or maybe I was just so tired, I forgot where I put myself]

Anyway, it was a brand new day, and it felt like everything started anew…again. I was walking to all these Japanese songs, each with a memory engraved in them. One day, I hope I can make a transition to start listening to more Spanish music, so I can engrave my memories of being here in Buenos Aires into those songs.

So, I was on the way to a breakfast meeting with the committee for Argentine international relations. I didn’t know what exactly it was, but it was my chance to see some people in my program so I decided to go. As I was walking down the block where the place was, I couldn’t find it! One thing I thought I had gotten used to was the way the city was laid out in terms of streets and building numbers, until I couldn’t find building 1037 on Uruguay [see, I was so desperate to find it, I memorized it].

So, I was already a couple of minutes late, but I thought it was okay, because it’s normal to be a couple of minutes late in Argentina. I walked up and down the street, and I swear the doormen of all the nice apartments were watching me, pace back and forth. I called a few people and asked them if they knew where this place was or what it even looked like, and they knew nothing. When I hung up, I was about to turn around to go back home, and low and behold, “1037” in gigantic lettering was above the glass double doors in front of me.

So, I walk in, and I rush into the elevator to get onto the first floor… They buzz me in, and no one else from my program was there. So, this meeting only lasted about 15 minutes. It was just information about a course about Argentine International Relations. It sounded very interesting, and I would’ve definitely taken it if I weren’t taking the film track. The CARI group [the group that was holding this meeting] has had so many prominent leaders from all over the globe come to have lectures and stuff. I was looking at their huge wall of pictures. It was amazing. It changed my outlook on international relations as a whole.

Afterwards, I had to get a few errands done back in the apartment, and then I took a nap [yes, I’m still medicated XP]. I got up to leave for a field trip that I had with my film track to a laboratory that processes film. I went by train, and I thought I was going to die of suffocation. I think I no longer have claustrophobic tendencies after this.

I met up with my classmates and boy, I was so happy to see them. They are all so chill and we are so diverse in terms of where we come from around the U.S., plus Bulgaria. Anyway, Cinecolor, the name of the laboratory, is an actual laboratory. There wasn’t anything film studio-esque outside of the projectors and film reels. This opened up a whole knew world for me in terms of my perception of a film studio. The processing is actually very similar to photography on a grander scale. The lady who gave us a tour and a step-by-step processing of how a completed film comes to be actually has a degree in chemistry, nothing film related.

…so it is possible to get into the industry without a film degree.

I think one of the cool things there was a video analyzer which allows you to change the lighting and coloring of a single take, without touching the negative. Because directors often film different scenes and takes at different times, sometimes the lighting needs to be adjusted, and other times, there’s a certain mood that a director wants to convey, so the coloring is changed. All of that is processed in video analyzer, and then the codes are punched in on strips which are used on a different machine to actually print the changes in the positive film.

They gave me a strip as a souvenir.

I think throughout the entire tour, I only got the gist of what they were saying, because a lot of was technical, but because there were visuals, I was able to understand much of it. It’s funny. I’m sure there’s a different [and better] reason behind it, but I think because I look more foreign than everyone else in the track, everyone who was explaining how things worked kept asking ME if I understood. It was kind of annoying actually. But, I loved the trip there. It got me really excited to start classes at Fundacion [if only the class schedules would be released].

You know that feeling, when you’re in the car listening to the radio and all of a sudden, your favorite song comes on? As my day ended today and I was walking back to the apartment from the subway station after that awesome, informative trip, “Yukiyanagi” came on my iPod, and it made me happy, so happy I was smiling.

I was told to listen to this song when I was going through one of my toughest moments at SUA, and hearing it as I stepped out of the subway exit, it just reminded me of everyone back home [both on the east and west coast]. Since I’ve arrived here, I’ve never felt so close to home as I did at that moment.

We’re all struggling together, right?
みんなの勝利 / Everyone's victory / Victoria para todos

Day 16: Still Learning to Fly

Today is what I call any stay-in-my-room, being-a-hikikomori day, me day. I took a break from the lively city to let myself recuperate from this cold that I still have. Yes, there’s a reason why I still have it, because I refused to stay in for one day to let my body work its magic. As a result, I didn’t have much Spanish today, outside of the TV I watched [I swear, by the end of study abroad, I would’ve re-watched all the Disney movies in Spanish]. Not good. >_< But, it’s just today. So, anyway I spent the day in bed…well, ON the bed. I wasn’t tired and I got bored so I decided to restart a few projects that I held on hold because I was too busy.

I was able to continue working on Project esCAPE [5 years and still going]. Study abroad is just what I needed as inspiration to continue with this piece. Why? I had my first spark of inspiration when I went to Japan, prior to going to SUA for freshmen orientation. Two chapters are dedicated to experiences and ideas I had there. Being in Buenos Aires has given me the other side of the world: the city, what it’s like to fend for oneself in a large place all alone. Like my mom said, you learn to really survive. I think going through these experiences as well will make Project esCAPE much more realistic and meaningful.

I also composed half a song on Finale. It’s a piano/harmonica/string orchestra/acoustic guitar/bass piece. If I ever perform it, all of it would be on one track and I would just adlib on harmonica. I think this composition, when I listen to it way after study abroad is over will remind me of Buenos Aires and my first two weeks here. During the making of the first half of this song, all I could think about was my 2-week experience here.

At first when I arrived here, I felt like a baby bird that barely knew how to fly, that got kicked out of the nest too early. But, once you start falling, you only have two options: to continue falling and land [painfully] or to spread your wings and hope something would happen. I’m pretty sure my first few days here made me feel that landing splat was perfectly fine. But, I think something in those few days made me realize that if I didn’t spread my wings, I would regret the coming days, weeks, months that I was here. So, in dedication to this realization, my new song is tentatively titled “Not Afraid to Soar.”

Yes, I have a slight obsession with wings and flying…and whatnot, but I think, if there’s anything in life, I want to be just as free as the birds that glide in the sky. Life has given each of us wings, the potential to reach up and touch the sky and beyond, where endless possibilities await. It only takes courage to spread those wings.

For me, I’m not quite there yet. I still lack confidence and courage to be able to step up and continue onward [regardless of how much I determine to do so]. I need to make something out of my study abroad here. I need to make it a life-changing experience. Nobody else is responsible for that, but ourselves, because WE make OUR OWN experiences.

…

To be completely honest, it’s very lonely here, so it’s hard. Regardless of being able to talk to people in my program or my host mom, even in English, there’s still a void. There’s a sense of not being able to fit in. It’s much like high school actually. In a city where there are few Asians, it’s much harder than I’d imagined to meet people without that first initial, oh jeezus, she’s Asian. I’d rather wear a bag over my head and get stared at for that [<-- idea was Erika’s].

Even for the short time I’ve been here, I have more appreciation for many things that I know I’ve taken for granted, one of which being my family. Back at SUA, they were always just an unlimited-minutes-for-AT&T-to-AT&T phones phone call away. Here, they’re a 1-hour international phone card away. I miss calling my mom up for no reason, having nothing to say, and then being asked something along the lines of “isn’t your room mate there to have this silent conversation with you?”

Today, I only went out to get my laundry done, and when I got them back, they smelled so different [let alone SOOOO strong…it was intoxicating …Price went up 2 pesos per basket, too]. Because I’ve gotten everything washed at least once, I can’t remember how my clothes used to smell like. It’s almost like a construction of a different self. I go solely by Sarah here, not Kusho. Wearing the same clothes that I did before SA, but they feel different. It’s definitely mind-boggling.

I never thought I would have to go through another major identity crisis after freshman year at SUA, but I feel this is close to one right now. Who am I outside of my family, outside of my friends, outside of all the connections that are attached to me? I don’t know. William James wrote an article stating that there are 3 Me’s: the material self, the social self, and the spiritual self. Who am I, spiritually? I guess this is one of the many challenges of study abroad. Who am I?

SUA has kicked me out of the giant Soka nest that I finally got so comfortable in these past two years. Now, I’m alone again, on a journey to find who I am. But, I’m not the only one out the nest. I need to remember that. I have to. I just need to remember to spread my wings and fly and one day, I’ll make it back to the nest.

Day 15: Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, when I was a little brat, I was watching my dad make cocktails for the customers at the restaurant. He told me that the drink he was making was called Mai Tai and that it contained a lot of alcohol.

Once upon a time, a few hours ago, I was reminded of this story and ordered it when I saw it on the menu at a bar I went to for someone’s birthday. It’s a really good drink. Mmmmmm, yum. And for a while, I thought my body didn’t get too affected by alcohol so easily… until I stood up. Hah. Walking down the stairs was an adventure.

So when you read this entry…if anything seems slightly out of place, there’s a reason.

Okay, so, realistically speaking, if I was going back to Soka, I know I wouldn’t start classes for another month. So, technically, I shouldn’t feel like I need to be in class.

But I do.

I am SOO ready for classes to start. Well, technically, they have in 4 out of the 5 universities, but I’m only taking one class out of those 4 and classes are on Wednesday and Fridays, and I get to miss Wednesday’s class because I have a field trip with the film track I’m taking and I have to get my visa stuff figured out. I’m hungry for academics. …and I don’t officially start for another 2 weeks. Gyah!

When I was at this birthday gathering, everyone was talking about how they had class, but it ended up being canceled because the professors never showed up. Apparently, that happens quite often here. I was able to share a lot of the same feelings as other people also. The entire group I was with tonight [about 12 people in total] has all gone clubbing and dancing and stuff, but they weren’t all about parties. They were really academically-driven also, which made me happy. I wasn’t the only one.

It’s true though, because we can’t get jobs here and we don’t have all the club activities that we would usually be involved in, so we have more time to focus on academics and other things. I’m glad. Tonight was, again, fun. There were a lot more people, but they were all a different group of people that I haven’t met. It was fun. Spread the Soka love. Actually, a few of the guys in group reminded me of guys, personality-wise and appearance-wise, in my class at Soka. I was awestruck at the uncanny resemblances.

Aside from that, a friend and I planned a trip around Recoleta, but most things were closed, except the cemetery, so we went there. We got to see Eva Peron’s tomb. I didn’t notice the last time I was here, but the tombs here are so extravagant, I swear I could live in one. That’s about all we did, plus walk around Buenos Aires Design [which had a lot of the furniture I wanted to buy for my future house], and then we split to take naps, and then reconvene at 10:30pm to go to the bar for the birthday thing.

I think after today, I felt that we live in a small world. Apparently, there’s a girl in my program who is the granddaughter of John McCain. Yes. The John McCain, running for president. How did I find this out? My friend, over lunch, asked me what my political stance was, and all I said was I’m all for the democrats. And then she asked me why not McCain, and I told her I had just heard many not-so-pleasant things about him, especially his comment on the Supreme Court ruling about habeus corpus.

But, yes. Once upon a time, the world was once thought to be big, but then civilized, high-tech societies happened, and the world became indeed small, where connections are easier to make than ever and where you realize that there are a lot more interesting people near you than you think.

Yes. Once upon a time, two seconds ago, the world shrunk ever so small.

Once upon a time.

PS, if you haven’t noticed, a lot of my posts are back-dated so the days and the dates correlate.

PPS, I’ve written a Capstone’s worth of blogs. Based on my statistics, if you write 1-2 pages [single-spaced] everyday, you can finish a ~40-page Capstone in a little less than 20 days. Good to know, right?